Stark Contrast
by csigal1976
Summary: Summary: Tony's life is altered when Pepper walks out. But it is altered even more drastically the day she walks back in. My AU take on their universe. Feedback? PLEASE! It feeds the soul!
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Tony's life is altered when Pepper walks out. But it is altered even more drastically the day she walks back in.

Disclaimer: I am trying something a little different with this one, so no infringement or offense intended. I don't own any of them - Marvel does.

Stark Contrast

He was flipping restlessly between ESPN, Fox Sports, and CNN when he flipped past the Weather Channel, pausing when he heard the weatherman assert confidently a sixty percent chance of showers over the next two days. Rain in Malibu was somewhat rare and had a way of revealing secrets buried under layers of dust. It had a way of stirring up things. A little over four months had passed since she'd quit her job and moved away. It rained on her last day in Malibu, the day she finally left him, so it seemed fitting it would rain the day she decided to come back. There was something literarily symbolic in how the rain followed her; at once washing everything clean, stirring up in him things he didn't know how to process, her leaving causing him finally, after a lifetime of solitude, to understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. He could imagine the rain taking her hand, saying, _'Come on Pepper, let's wreak a little havoc_.'

They'd barely spoken when she handed in her resignation. He, of course, tried to talk her out of it, but she was adamant. Something quiet yet forceful was in her, it said: Keep out. It said: I gave you everything, and you broke my heart. It said: I will never forgive you. He couldn't bring himself to put up a fight, not in light of everything that had happened.

After he had time to think about it, he categorized it as simply getting caught up in the moment, his restraint collapsing under his need for her. After years of a tenuous building of their relationship, he'd shown up on her doorstep in the rain, needing desperately to check on her, to make certain that she was okay, needing to prove to himself that that psycho hadn't hurt her. If she was surprised to find him standing there, forlorn and pathetic, she didn't let on. Instead, she invited him in. She stood there, next to her kitchen island, freshly showered, in her tank and yoga pants, him standing feet in front of her just staring. She knew him. Knew his mind, knew that silence was not meant to be awkward or rude, but that his mind had to work through whatever had brought him there. It was when she moved to pull her wet hair into a ponytail that he had been spurred to action. The sight of the bruising on the left side of her neck was his breaking point. He inched closer, wordlessly, and stroked the tips of his fingers gently over her neck, the only words uttered were quiet and raspy, "He hurt you." And then his lips were on her neck, sweetly, innocently, like a salve to her wound, kissing it to make it better. But when his tongue slipped through his lips and tasted her skin there, she began to feel him rain soft kisses all along her neck. He gently inched his way toward her mouth leaving a trail of sensual, soft kisses and finally, finally he laid claim to her mouth. It was a total firestorm of heat, and heart and emotion, a vortex that swept them both up and away. And later, she said nothing when his hand insinuated itself between her shirt and body. Mouths crashed together again, need was defined and reciprocated as he pushed her shirt over her head while she unbuckled his belt, and they were falling hard into something so beautiful he didn't have time to stop and think.

They made their way to her couch, hurriedly and clumsily and landed on it with a bounce, neither stopping for even a second. Later, when he ran his hand up her thigh, his name floated out of her mouth in a gasp; she was impossibly warm and wet, and he didn't think any woman had ever felt that good. There was one moment when she regained her senses, when she placed her hands on either side of his face and forced him to look in her eyes. He knew what she was asking, but she said it anyway, in a low, husky voice, "Tony, are you sure? Because this is real, and this can't be just a one time thing."

Removing her hands from his face, he pinned them above her head against the soft fabric of her sofa, not so hard she couldn't free herself if she so desired, but with enough force to stake a claim, to give her an answer. A sharp intake of breath, and then he was inside her, trying not to think about what he was going to say when beauty receded and reality set in.

Time passed, and they moved in perfect sync, shadows dancing on the wall, and the perfection of it made him close his eyes against the swell of emotion so foreign to him. He didn't want to feel this much for anyone, and he hated how easy it was to love her, hated how she invaded all the secret parts of him, and that she, in turn, didn't despise him for what she found there. As dawn broke and the first rays of morning spread in irregular patterns over their bodies, erasing the shadows from the walls and ceiling, he bit back her name as he spilled into her with a force so strong he felt he might actually pass out.

He remembered there was something delicate about her wrists, he could wrap his hand too easily around the bones and skin there, something intrinsically vulnerable about her caused him to not let her bear the full weight of his body. Her arms were wrapped around his back and she was holding him, as if he might get up and walk away. Surprising himself, and probably her as well, he dropped kisses on her forehead and told her he loved her. They eventually moved to her bed where they made love twice more before morning. Eventually, she woke him and although pleased to find him still there, insisted he leave telling him that he needed to return home and shower and sleep even if for a little while before his required presence at the board meeting.

Unbeknownst to her, when he did return home to sleep, his fears got the best of him. In the deepest recesses of his being, he feared for her. How could he keep her safe? His identity as Iron Man automatically placed her in danger. How could he ever survive without her? How could he survive the guilt if anything ever happened to her because of him? His dreams were riddled with horrific images, Pepper in danger, Pepper dead, and all at his own doing. The brutality and veracity of his fears haunted him. He knew he was being selfish, and for once, he wanted to do what was right, despite what he wanted. It wasn't until later that morning, when she'd shown up with her demure little smile, his morning coffee, and a muffin that he told her it had been a mistake. She handed in her resignation two weeks later, had not said one unkind word, and didn't bother with goodbye. That had been 3 ½ months ago.

Yesterday, she called and said she was coming to Malibu for a couple of days and that she needed to speak with him. He didn't have time to question her, because she said she was working and needed to get back to a meeting. She had given him few details about her trip, and then she hung up and he stood there, everything he'd never been able to say, right there…he'd ordered Jarvis to calculate the odds that she was coming back to him.

He worked in his garage that day, tinkering and puttering the time away by focusing on the suit. Eventually Jarvis reminded him that she would be coming and that he may want to shower for her benefit. As he was ascending the stairs to head to his bedroom and shower, Jarvis announced that Col. James Rhodes was calling.

"Patch him through, J."

"Hey buddy."

"Hey Rhodey. Back from whatever shithole they sent you to this time?"

"Yeah, for now. Hey, the General told me you postponed the latest Iron Patriot spec meeting that we had scheduled?"

"Okay, first the name is still stupid. Second, yeah I did. Pepper is coming today."

Rhodey's response was preceded by a lengthy pause. "Yeah, look, man…just…be careful. I know how you feel about her. Shit, vice versa too. But you have to give her some space. Did she even say what she wanted to talk about?"

"Nope. Obviously she is miserable without me. I am sure she'll beg to come back."

"Yeah, knowing Pepper, I am sure that's what it is. Who wouldn't beg to come back to the crying, the puking, the explosions, the whining, the tantrums-"

"Hey…whose side are you on here? And besides, I gave all of that up a long time ago…well, most of it anyway."

"Look, just…just call me later and let me know how it went."

"Sure thing, Jimmy. I will spill all of the gossip and juicy deets as soon as I have them. O..M…G…"

"Dude, fuck off. Whatever. Just call me."

"Later Rhodey."

Tony would never forget the way Rhodey had looked at him upon hearing the news of Pepper's resignation. Because of his close relationship to Tony, he and Pepper had also grown extremely close. Rhodey had looked betrayed, and later asked him in an earnest voice, "God, Tony, what did you do?" He hadn't answered then, but he wondered if Rhodey had figured it out; if so, he never mentioned it to him.

By the time he made it out of the shower, Pepper was sitting on the living room sofa. It was a cool day in Malibu, and she sat hunched over, a bulky knit sweater pulled around her body. There was a large suitcase beside her, and she sat looking somewhat anxious. "Hi Tony," escaped, almost whispered. She didn't smile, and he noticed she looked tired, more tired than he'd ever seen her look in all the years he'd known her. He could only nod, and then he brushed by her to sit at he opposite end of the couch. After they sat, unspeaking for a moment, she slowly rose and moved away from the couch. "I need to use the restroom."

She was in there longer than he thought necessary – really did she come all this way to drop a deuce in his bathroom? - but eventually she reappeared and curled up in the chair opposite him. They had been together only that one night, but she had practically lived in his home. She appeared at ease with settling in for the long haul, and he felt unnerved. He wondered what was so pressing that she'd come back to Malibu, and how it involved him. He'd called her once in San Francisco, and she'd hung up on him. When he tried agains later to reach her, the number was disconnected. He got the message. He thought it better to let her go, even though he loved her, even though he thought about her and missed her. Even though, more than anything, he'd wanted to make things right between them. There was, however, such a vast wasteland between wanting to and knowing how. In the end, he just wanted her safe.

So she was sitting there, playing with the frayed edges of her sweater, and he thought it the perfect time to set the record straight. "Um…I'm sorry, Pepper, for everything. I…I never meant to hurt you," he said in his most sincere voice.

Tilting her head back, she laughed bitterly, sadly, closed her eyes and shook her head. He didn't know what was so funny about his apology. He'd been a bastard, he wasn't about to deny it, but he was a sincerely sorry bastard. She folded her hands in her lap and looked at him, so seriously, brows furrowed together. "I'm pregnant."

What had to have been moments later, an insistent tapping caught his attention; he looked over at the windows, saw rain trailing in nonsensical patterns down the glass. A serious fog seemed to have settled into his brain, and he was disoriented from it. Glancing at Pepper, he saw that she was looking down at her folded hands, some of her earlier bravado gone, and it was then that he saw the slight bulge of her midsection, masked by the sweater she was wearing. He did not bother asking if it was his, he knew the baby was theirs and didn't want to insult her by asking such a question. She would not be sitting in front of him, telling him she was pregnant, if it were another man's baby. It was January, which meant she was probably over halfway through the pregnancy.

"At a loss for words?" she questioned in that agonizingly heartbreaking voice she used so often with him.

"Yes," he answered, looking down.

"I didn't know when I left, but I figured it out soon after. I – I didn't know what to do, but I thought you deserved to know, no matter how it ended between us - not that there was much to end...um…I don't really want anything from you, I have plenty of money. I'm not here to trap you, you don't ever have to see me again if you don't want to, but you deserved to know. He's yours too." The endless rambling was uncharacteristic of this always-composed woman and spoke to her level of anxiety. By the time she had finished, his brain was hard-pressed to keep up. After a few seconds, his head snapped up, and he found her looking at him with a pitying expression softening her features. As soon as their eyes met, the mask of indifference slipped easily enough into place.

"He?" Tony asked.

"Uh…yes, he. I had the ultrasound a few days ago, it's definitely a boy," she smiled. "I was on the pill. You knew that, but it didn't work. Obviously. I was shocked. I didn't plan any of this, I wouldn't do that to you. Or to me. I waited – I mean - I wanted to make sure everything was okay with him before I told you. No sense coming back here and turning everyone's life upside down if something happened," she trailed off. "First baby, and my age, the chances of miscarriage were higher, but he's…he's perfect." she explained.

Tony was still stuck on the previous revelation. "A son?"

"Yes," she answered.

A thousand memories went rapid-fire through his brain. He saw a small boy with Pepper's hair and his eyes, looking up at her and asking where Daddy was. His small face faded and morphed into another, a nine-year-old Tony looking up at his mother, asking when Daddy was coming home. His mother looked down and said gently, firmly, "Next month, Anthony. He is working." This image morphed into the newspaper photos of him standing, in his suit and tie, at the gravesite, saying goodbye to his parents. Sometime later, when his childlike hope had faded, and he'd become a man, he swore he'd always be there for his child should the opportunity arise. If nothing else, he would be there. And now, he realized that he would not be there. How would he be a father from over 400 miles away? Something inside him broke apart, the jagged edges of realization doubling him over, desperation settling itself in his stomach. It made him wish he had tried harder with Pepper, had called her until she listened. He wished he had not been such a coward no matter how overwhelmed by her and his feelings for her he had been. Yes she needed to be safe, but who better than Iron Man to do that?

Bringing a shaky hand up to his head, he wrapped his fingers around his forehead and tried to squeeze away the dull ache he felt there. "What the hell does…does this mean?" he asked quietly.

"It means…it means I'm going to have a baby. And that you," she paused, "that you are going to be a father…if you want to be," she finished.

"I…I do. Yeah. I mean, I do." he said, in the off-kilter Tony way that he had.

"Okay. That's fine," she said. "I won't keep him from you, that's why I'm here. We need to work out a few things."

"Jesus! More than a few things, Pepper." But what he really meant was: Please forgive me.

As if she understood his implication, she looked up, and in her eyes he found his answer: No.

Arching her back, she untied her sweater, eased out one shoulder at a time, and then draped the sweater across her lap. She was wearing a navy blue shirt that fit her like a glove. Tony noticed immediately the way pregnancy had made her breasts fuller, and he saw now, the noticeable swell of her abdomen; her belly was small and round, but jutting out in the way that was especially endearing when a woman was first pregnant.

"You look –" he stopped, not knowing what would be appropriate to say. And then he went for broke, because she was having his son, and maybe he'd never again get the chance to say this. "Huge. Ha…I mean, well, you look beautiful," he said, eyes focused on her stomach.

She gave him a small smile, and then looked away. "Jesus, Potts, what are we going to do?" he asked.

"I don't know, but whatever it is, we don't have to figure it out right now. Why don't we meet for later after dinner and we can talk. Give us both time to let this all sink in." She laid her hand on her stomach, and stroked it in a soothing way, as if she were talking to the baby. "I really need to get some sleep. I've been sick as a dog and my OB has been on me to get more rest, so if you can have Happy drop me at my hotel, I'd appreciate it," she said, her hand still moving in lazy circles over her stomach.

"You can stay –"

She interrupted, "No."

"Pepper –"

"I got a cab here, I can get a cab to the hotel if I need to, I just didn't want to bother renting a car. I'm not staying here, though," she said, getting up from the chair.

There was nothing quite as surreal as watching Pepper Potts, this woman he once knew, this woman now pregnant with his child, stomp over and wrestle her suitcase to a standing position; and then he was worried, because he remembered her saying something about a higher risk, and he didn't like the way she was straining with the suitcase, didn't like how it was bumping against her stomach.

Rising unbidden, from some place so deeply buried inside him, the words were, 'Stop, that's my son in there, and I don't want anything to happen to him. Or you.' What came out was, "Stop, you're going to hurt yourself," he said, moving toward her. "I'll – Happy can take you to your hotel, if that's what you want, but please just stop messing with this thing." He took the suitcase from her, and was surprised at how heavy it was. "You shouldn't be carrying this," he said more irritably than intended.

"Who else is going to carry it for me, Tony?" she laughed.

"Me," he said. She looked away, everything under the surface rising up. "I'll help you," he said, one hand holding the suitcase handle, the other hand resting on her shoulder. "I'll help you."

Something warred inside her, he could tell because she closed her eyes the way she always did when she was considering something, but he knew by the way she inhaled, the way her jaw was set firmly in place, that his offer was not going to be accepted, not today, anyway.

"I've got it," she said, taking the suitcase from him, although she didn't attempt to carry it anywhere, just stood there fingers gripping the handle.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the kids reviews! Keep them coming! I had a hard time settling on a place to split this chapter and the next, but I think this may work. Let me know your thoughts. Also…what is your fave part of this chapter? I have mine, but was curious to see if anyone else felt the same. Thanks!

For disclaimer, see chapter 1.

Knocking on the door to her hotel room later that evening, he stood and tried to think of something to say, something that would make her stay.

The door opened and she stepped aside, allowing him to enter.

The room was large, divided by a sitting area that boasted a comfortable-looking couch, and an armoire, its doors closed. To the left of the sitting area was the bed, already made. He smiled at her having made up her bed even in a hotel room, he knew this orderly Pepper. The Fit Pregnancy magazine on the desk caught him a little off guard, but he tried not to show it. Her suitcase was on a luggage stand, a few clothes spilling out.

"Have a seat," she said, gesturing to the couch. "You want coffee?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah, thanks," he said.

He watched her cross the room, watched the way her gait had changed ever so slightly. Pepper had legs that went for miles as the saying went. It was sexy as hell. And if one had to describe the way she entered a room, it would most aptly be defined as a swagger. But now there was something even easier about the way she edged into a space and moved about. Pregnancy, it seemed, made her even more graceful.

There was a bar situated in the corner of the room, and the coffeemaker sat haphazardly in the center; she reached on a high shelf for a coffee cup, and her t-shirt gapped, revealing a glimpse of swollen, milky white skin, a slight, darkening line bisecting her stomach.

All he could think was, my son is in there. After he'd had Happy drop Pepper at her hotel, he'd done productive things like watch Gilligan's Island reruns, yell at Dummy and Butterfingers, and stare at the ceiling for hours. Every moment shared between them, he recalled everything, some memories easier than others. He thought about their arguments, their good times. He thought about the sex. Damn, it was good. Like nothing he had ever experienced. _Because he loved her_. He thought about the baby, physical traits, names, that he didn't want to be a check-in-the-mail dad.

"Here you go," she said, handing him a white, porcelain mug.

"Thanks," he said, taking it from her.

"How's…everything? SI? Iron Man?" she asked.

"Stocks are up, Iron Man is Shield's personal errand boy. You know, the usual," he answered amiably.

"Yeah, I do," she agreed.

"So…what about you? What are you doing in San Francisco? Aside from putting up with fog and crappy weather."

She uncapped her bottle of water, took a sip, and then answered, "Um, actually, I am teaching. Never thought it would interest me much, but the schedule is super flexible and I actually like it. I teach finance at a local college. I figured the flexible schedule would come in handy," she answered as she rubbed her belly.

"Yeah. And are you still sick? I mean, you said you were sick before. Are you okay now?" he asked, and he felt clumsy and useless.

"I'm not sick now," she said, and then her eyes were unfocused, staring somewhere over his shoulder.

Out of nervousness, he'd been bouncing his knee up and down, something oddly comforting every time his heel hit the floor, having found something solid underneath. But, he stopped when he saw a little bit of fear creep into her eyes, the way she looked away, hoping she hadn't been found out. "Pepper?"

"Yeah?" she answered quickly, too quickly, a fake smile giving her away.

"Is something wrong? Everything is okay, right?"

Not enough time had passed between all her revelations; truth be told, he was still caught somewhere around 'I'm pregnant,' but what he did know was that he wanted them to be all right. All of them. Impatiently, he waited for her to respond; she squeezed the half-empty water bottle, and it cracked as it expanded back to its natural shape. "Everything is pretty much okay," she answered.

"Pepper?"

"It's nothing, really. I have a condition called placenta previa. It's where the placenta covers the cervix, and a lot of times it will move and correct itself, but if it doesn't, I won't be able to have him vaginally, I'll have to have a c-section. The OB is keeping an eye on it, but aside from that he's a very healthy baby."

Tony nodded, relieved. "Good, I'm glad everything is okay, I'm glad you both are doing well."

Seconds stretched into minutes, the silence uncomfortable. He looked at her and saw she was smiling, one hand resting on her stomach. It was unsettling, to see her peacefully maternal. He didn't recognize this relaxed air about her, he couldn't imagine Pepper holding up tiny baby clothes adorned with footballs, or flipping through baby name books; he only saw the woman who had helped him kill Obadiah. The woman who had bailed him out of – literally and figuratively – any number of crazy situations. Looking at her now, he couldn't reconcile these two contrasting images he now had of her.

Pepper looked at him, eyes shiny with tears, and shrugged her shoulders, giving him a lopsided grin.

"What?" Tony asked cautiously.

"He's moving, kicking harder tonight than usual," she explained.

"Oh, he's moving already?" he asked, in awe of the moment.

"Oh yeah, I felt the fluttering, as the books like to describe it, at exactly 16 weeks. Now, though, he kicks hard, I can feel his feet. It's…amazing."

Of course it was, it was more than amazing, and he knew he shouldn't feel sad when a miracle was sitting right across the room.

Clearing her throat, Pepper asked shyly, tentatively, "You want to feel?"

Uncertainty coursed through him, but he knew this was more important than any reservations he had, so he answered, "Uh…I…it's kind of freaking me out, but…yeah. Yes."

With a tilt of her head, she motioned him over to her. He got up and walked toward the oversized chair, which in reality was big enough for the both of them, but he sat on the ottoman and waited for her to take the lead.

"Give me your hand," she said.

He held out his hand, palm facing upward, and when she took it, she closed her eyes, as if it hurt to even touch him. With her other hand, she raised the edge of her shirt, until a good portion of her belly was exposed. Turning his hand over, she placed it on her stomach, and then held it there. He looked at her for instruction when he didn't immediately feel anything. "Just wait," she said.

A few seconds passed, and then he felt something almost ethereal pass under his fingertips, a slight rippling, and then stronger, until, under his hand he felt the constancy of movement, a small ball of solidity rolling back and forth. They shared a mutual smile, hers a knowing smile and his one of awe. It was utterly amazing.

After a moment or so Tony leaned down, cleared his throat, "Uh, hi. How's it going in there?" he said awkwardly.

Pepper's hand quickly moved from Tony's and he didn't have to look at her to know she was crying, but he did look at her, saw her hand pressed to her mouth, her eyes squeezed shut. Tears escaped and fell anyway, and the baby stopped moving, as if he knew something was wrong, as if all he needed to feel safe was to retreat to the dark, unyielding space near her spine.

"Pepper," Tony said gently, bringing a hand up to her face.

"Don't," she said, "just don't."

He moved away from her then, the moment having passed, but he felt the loss of contact so deeply it made him feel disoriented. Everything was happening too fast, and he wasn't sure he was doing anything right. Attempting to regain her composure, Pepper pulled down her shirt, took a big gulp of water, and swiped a hand under her eyes.

"Have you thought of names yet?" he asked, attempting to alleviate some of the awkward tension.

"A few," she admitted. "But, I uh, I wanted you to have a say. Like me, I know that a child was never part of your plans, so he will likely be your only child too. You should have a say about his name."

Her consideration overwhelmed him, and he felt unworthy to offer up any suggestions, but even still, he gave a voice to his only request, "Pepper, that's…I want him to have my last name, that's all, everything else is up to you," he said.

"Okay," she said. "Are you sure?"

He nodded softly. "I mean, I will say that I think Optimus Prime would pretty much be the coolest name ever, but…yeah. I am sure whatever you choose will be…perfect."

"Optimus Prime…Stark. Wow. I…have no words…" she teased.

"Maybe Anakin Skywalker Stark? No…then he'd grow up to be Darth Vader…"

She laughed at him, the easy rapport that had always marked their relationship apparent even now. But, he knew that

he needed to tread carefully. He wanted to know what kind of life she envisioned for this child, their child. "Pepper, how is this going to work exactly?" he questioned.

"Well, you can see him whenever you want. San Francisco isn't too far from here, you can visit him whenever you want. I don't really know how it's going to work Tony, I just knew I needed to tell you before I lost my nerve."

"What do you mean? Lost your nerve…did you ever consider not telling me?" He tried to keep the anger from his voice, the self-righteous indignation, but wasn't sure he was all that successful.

"Did I consider it?" she laughed humorlessly. "Of course I did, Tony. I never planned to have children, it wasn't high on my list of things to do in life, and I certainly never imagined us having a child together. But here we are. And being with me wasn't what you wanted, obviously. It was "a mistake." So, why would you want this? I didn't want to face you again, to pressure you into this. I still don't. I don't want you to feel obligated to be a father. I've done my best to come to terms with the way things worked out. I am happy about him, but not about how this all went down. Despite that," she paused and shrugged looking in his eyes, "I wanted you to know…you deserved the opportunity to make your own decision."

Hearing her explanation did little to assuage his misplaced anger; he wasn't upset with her, he just wished things were different, wished he was different.

At that moment a conversation floated into his mind, one the two of them had had a long time ago. Their afternoon conference call with the CEO of a company in Australia had been interrupted several times by the CEO's boisterous 2-year-old daughter screaming in the background. When they had finally managed to finish the call, Pepper turned to him, deadpanning, "And that is why I will never have children…"

"Amen. Wait – really? No little pushy Potts progeny running around? Come on Pepper, you looooove to be in charge…bossing people around is your forte. I am shocked." He cocked his head at her, waiting for a reply.

Taking a moment to consider his teasing question, she tilted her head and answered sincerely. "No. I mean, you know that I don't really have any family. Kids were never…I just never made it part of my plan. My childhood was…chaotic. At best. Foster home after foster home…I just…no, it's not for me."

"It wouldn't have to be like that. You are good with kids. I mean, hey, you take good care of me…you could do it," he teased.

"I know. But…I just…I don't know."

The confusion he saw in her eyes, the emotions warring, prompted him to push. "What?"

"I sort of had a family once. As close to one as it gets, anyway. Foster parents. A dog. It was the last foster home I was in, and it was long-term. They were wonderful. They had another foster, Pete. He's like my brother, even to this day. We lived together for 5 years, until Pete and I graduated. They were the only real family I have ever known. They both passed away, years ago. But the Maxwell house was loving, boisterous. Real. They make me think sometimes that having that is possible, but…I don't know. It just isn't something I ever really counted on."

He remembered that at the time, the thought that Pepper would never have a family saddened him. But having a family with her had never entered his mind. And now? Since earlier today it was all he could think about.

"Look, I…I really am sorry, Pepper. I tried to call you, I wanted to talk to you, make things right, I wanted to explain what I said, what I meant –"

She cut him off, "I don't really want to hear it, Tony. It's done, it's over. We need to let it go."

"I never wanted you to leave. I never meant to…Pepper I lo–"

"Tony! Stop. Please."

Swallowing his explanation, he picked up his cup of coffee now lukewarm, and finished off what remained. This was how it had always been between them, it was always vague challenges and unfinished sentences, empty spaces in doorways and hands hovering over phones, love that was touched upon but never fully realized.

"Does anyone know I'm here?" she asked, changing the subject. This too was how it had been between them, this avoidance of the inevitable.

"No. Well, Happy obviously. And I told Rhodey you were coming by, but that was it," he answered.

"Good, I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not coming by, but honestly, I'm not up to explaining this to anyone right now. I'll leave that to you, if you want anyone to know," she said.

"Of course they'll know, Pepper. All of this is unexpected, but I'm not ashamed of it," he said.

"Oh, okay," she replied.

"You're surprised?" he asked, shifting in his place on the couch.

"I guess, I don't know. Despite your crazy public antics, when it comes to personal matters, you are actually a private person. And this is very personal. And you were my boss. And well, we were only together the one time, and...I don't know, Tony. I don't know what I expected."

"Three, actually."

Her confused gaze met his eyes, and he clarified, somewhat sheepishly.

"We were together, uh, three times. That one night. Yeah."

At her frustrated – and somewhat disgusted - groan, he started again. "Look…Pepper, he's my son. Our son. And I'm not ashamed of him," he stated adamantly.

"You're taking this better than I thought you would," she said.

Tony glanced at her. "How did you think I would take it?"

Laughing, Pepper answered, "I don't know, but you're calm and you don't look like you want to run away, you seem happy and sad at the same time. I think, well, I expected you to be angry, inconvenienced," she admitted.

"Inconvenienced?" Tony asked. That hurt.

"Well, yes. As I said, I know that neither of us ever planned to have children. And I know how…fastidious you have always been about protection. And, yes, we were together three times, and despite birth control, despite the fact that I didn't do anything wrong, you told me it was all a mistake. So, an unplanned pregnancy? With me? Well, I just - this is the last thing you wanted, I know that."

"I don't know what to say to make you understand how confusing all that was for me, I don't know how to make any of this right, Pepper. I'm not good at personal relationships, I have so much I want to say and I have it planned out perfectly, and the next thing I know I'm opening my mouth and the words are coming out, and then I just either sound like an asshole, I fuck everything up, or both," he confessed.

"I know," she sighed. "I know you don't communicate easily, it's not easy for me either, probably not for anyone, but I waited two weeks to hand in my resignation, and then I worked my entire two week's notice, you had a month to explain yourself, you had long enough to make it right," she said.

"I called you, after," he offered weakly.

Pepper smiled, "Oh yes, the infamous call. I was staring at a pregnancy test right about then. You have shitty timing," she said.

"I wanted you to come back, to work things out. Why did you disconnect your number?" he asked.

"First of all, it was supposed to be an unlisted number, how did you get it?" she shot back.

"I was able to enter the government database at Mr. Stark's urging and locate your contact information," came the immediate reply from Tony's cellular holo – Jarvis. Of course.

Tony looked up at the ceiling. "Mute Jarvis. And thanks, you traitor. So…yeah, it probably wasn't by legal means."

"That's what I thought. It made me mad at the time, but…I'm not angry anymore, not really," Pepper said.

"No?" He looked at her, surprised.

"No. But, you need to know, there's no going back, I meant what I said that night, there is no going back. The baby, though – I want for us to make this work, I don't want to always be fighting, with him always caught in the middle. I want him to have two loving parents and healthy relationships," she said.

Tony thought of all the paths he'd chosen in his relationship with Pepper, how he had always taken the easy way out. Always.

Memories were strange things, they faded over time until they were more a feeling of something than a remembrance, but he remembered with perfect clarity that morning that he ended it with her. She was standing there, looking young and beautiful, bearing nothing but his breakfast and herself. All he had to do was reach out and accept it; she was there with such a sweet, shy smile on her face, hands struggling to balance the coffee and breakfast. "Hey there," she smiled sweetly. He looked away, not responding. Embarrassed, she'd tried to shrug it off, she was always good at coming up with excuses for him. "Oh, sorry, were you sleeping?" she'd asked, shifting her weight to her other foot.

He'd answered no, and then he'd told her while she stood there, "I think what happened last night was a mistake, Pepper." Her smile had faded, and she'd sighed several times, as though wanting to say something, and then thinking better of it.

Finally, she said, "Okay. Okay. I have some errands to run for you. I'll be back in a little bit," and laid down his breakfast, walking out the door and toward her car without looking back. He'd made the first move and she'd accepted him in a way no other person ever had, they'd made love, he told her he loved her, and he had just let her walk away.

Snapping back to reality from his painful memories, he nodded and redirected the conversation, "So how long are you in Malibu?"

"Only until tomorrow, I need to get back to work," she answered.

"Do you need anything, is there anything I can do? I want to help you, with the expenses, with everything, just tell me what you need."

She glanced at him, as if mentally slapping him across the face. "I don't want your money, I've got plenty of money," she said. "I've not bought the baby anything yet, I was waiting until after the ultrasound. I wanted to make sure, to be sure he was all right, but I've got some things planned, we'll be fine."

There it was, the line of separation, her saying: There is We, and there is You, and there are hundreds of miles and too many years between the two for there to ever be Us.

Tony needed to interject himself into the situation. "Look, if you don't want it for yourself, then invest it for him. That's fine." Shaking his head in exasperation, he continued, "And let's get this ridiculousness out of the way now…you need to move back here," he asserted.

"No," she responded quickly and adamantly.

"Yes! Pepper…we are having a baby. A baby!"

"And I have a life now. One that doesn't revolve around you. I can't just walk away from my job, my condo…Tony, I am not moving."

"Pepper…I fucked up. All of this…it's my fault. If I hadn't been such a pussy about everything, we would still be together. We were together. We made love. Do you think that had ever happened for me before? It was the most intense, sensual, amazing experience I have ever had. Because I love you. Because you are my best friend. But the thought of losing you scared the hell out of me. If anything were to happen to you because of me, because of Iron Man, I…I could never forgive myself. So I let you go, so you could be safe. But now? Fuck…Pepper, when people find out about this, that he is my son, neither of you will be safe. Ever. And I can't protect you when you aren't here. I can't protect you in San Francisco."

The raw emotion and honesty in his words both stung and burned a fire in the pit of her, one she wasn't yet willing to confront.

"Tony…I understand that. I have the same fears. But, I am not living my life in seclusion and fear. That's not fair to me or to him. And with your endless resources, are you really telling me that you couldn't supply adequate security? I don't buy it. I am not moving." She was stern, and he noted that she neglected to respond to his declaration of love.

"Look…I don't want to fight. Let's take some time and think about this more. Both of us. We can talk about it again soon, when we both have cooled off."

"I…argh. Okay, that's fine," he said, knowing that this was a point he would never let drop. If this damn stubborn woman wouldn't move back, he would uproot all of SI come hell or high water to keep his family safe. His family. Just the thought wrought emotions in him he was still unready to confront.

"Well, I think we've got everything covered for now, so I'll give you all my information, and then I guess we'll be in touch."

He got it, she was dismissing him, he was free to go now. Only, he wasn't sure he wanted to leave. "Yeah, just send Jarvis the info," he said.

They sat there staring out the window, the silence echoing awkwardly between them.

Considering herself a glutton for punishment, Pepper asked, "What would you have said that day, if it had come out the way you wanted?"


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to those who reviewed…it is much appreciated!

Not sure if I should keep going on this one as there doesn't seem to be much interest. Will have to decide.

See CH 1 for disclaimers.

 _Considering herself a glutton for punishment, Pepper asked, "What would you have said that day, if it had come out the way you wanted?"_

Not sure how to answer, Tony shrugged his shoulders.

"That's what I thought," she whispered. "What happened that night? Why did you come to me?"

She'd just gotten home, the paramedics had cleared her and let her leave. And after the events of that night, the terror, nothing could have kept him from her. "Nothing happened, Pepper. I just…I wanted to make sure that you were okay. That nut could have killed you. You got attacked by some random freak on the street because he was going after me. And I saw that you were okay, really, but that he had hurt you. That made me crazy. I just… I wanted to protect you. I wanted you. I had for a long time, I was just too tired of fighting it," he said.

Tears welled up in her eyes. "If you never had any intention of following through, why couldn't you have just left me alone? Why did you have to do that, to use me like that?"

"I didn't use you," Tony protested. "I loved you...we…"

"Yes," Pepper retorted, "you did use me. And once it was over, you said it was a mistake so you could feel justified about what you'd done."

"Pepper, that's not true and it's not fair –"

"Don't talk to me about fair, Tony. You aren't the one pregnant and alone."

"Pepper, you aren't alone. I…I don't know what to do about-"

"Neither do I, not anymore. I think – you know what, I think I'm all talked out, Tony. I just…I need to go to bed. It's time for you to go."

He paused, not knowing what else to say. Finally he nodded solemnly. "Will I see you before you leave?"

"No, I don't think so. In fact, I may try and catch an earlier flight."

Tony was desperate not to lose this connection to her. "Thank you, Pepper, for coming here, for telling me about this. I know it wasn't easy. And I know I am not exactly prime daddy material. I am an immature, arrogant asshole. But I'm glad you came."

"It was the right thing to do," she said.

"I don't know what to say now, how to leave it like this," he admitted.

"It's easy, Tony," she said, rising from her chair, walking toward him and taking his hand while leading him to the door. "You're going to give me a kiss on the cheek, and then you're going to say goodbye, and I'm going to pretend like everything is okay, just like old times. And, then, you are going to say something like, 'Call me Pepper, if you need anything,' and I will say, 'I will, Tony,' and you need to know that I mean it. And then, you're going to turn around and walk away."

Closing his eyes, he pulled her closer to him, until she was so close he felt the rise of her belly between them, insistent in the way it pressed into him. He didn't kiss her cheek, but her lips, and he lingered there, as if she might feel sorry for him, turn to him and say 'I'll stay, we'll work this out.' She gave in, reluctantly returning the kiss, unable to resist. But after a moment she pulled away. Leaning in again, he whispered in her ear, "I can't tell you goodbye, but I'll tell you goodnight." Straying again from her planned course of events, he lowered his hands and cupped her stomach in both palms, moved his hands back and forth. He was rewarded with a kick, as if the little hands and feet inside were saying: I know you.

He had not cried in years, and wasn't about to start now, even though it was exactly what he wanted to do. "Call me, Pepper, if you need anything," he said, stepping back.

"I will, Tony," she replied dutifully.

And, just like she said he would, he turned around and walked away.

In preparation for his trip to San Francisco the next day, Tony was undertaking the foreign task of packing his clothing. Working on the mundane task was interrupted by Jarvis announcing the arrival of Col. Rhodes.

After entering Tony's bedroom he flopped down in the chair next to the bed and crossed his arms.

"So, you keep jetting off to San Fran. What's going on man?" he said.

He pretended to sort through the stacks of clothing, glancing briefly at Rhodey to see if he had caught onto the fact that Tony hadn't actually packed anything yet.

"Hmm," was his noncommittal answer.

"Tony," he said loudly, concerned; he glanced up at him, and fixed him with an intuitive glare. "It's not anything for Shield, is it? Something covert and on the DL?"

Shaking his head, he resumed packing duty, sorting the piles into smaller more manageable piles.

"Something is up with you," he grinned. "Spill it."

"Rhodey, I've got shit to do. As you so astutely pointed out, I'm taking a couple of days for myself, and need to finish up some things before I go," he said.

Rhodey smacked his lips together, as if he were readying himself to take a great, big bite out of something. " Tony, listen, you've never taken vacation, except for business trips here and there. Well and the Monaco incident…You deserve whatever you've found to occupy your free time, although I pray to God it's legal and doesn't involve hookers or blow."

"Blow? Really?! Dude, blow me. It's legal, and I can assure you it doesn't involve hookers or blow," he responded. His own words came back to haunt him; he'd told Pepper he wasn't ashamed of her being pregnant, but in two months time he hadn't told his friends the news. Between Iron Man and business for SI, he just hadn't found a way to say, 'Remember Pepper, long, strawberry hair, used to work here? Well, she's living in San Francisco now, and says 'hi.' Oh, by the way, she's having my baby. Now who wants to go blow some shit up?'

Rhodey's voice brought him out of his trance. "It's just you've been gone three or four times in the last two months, it's making me nervous," he was saying.

"Three times, this will be three times," he said. He sighed. Letting the clothes rest where they were, he pushed back, stepping away from the bed. Anticipating a revelation, Rhodey leaned forward, a curious glint in his eyes.

Clearing his throat, he began. "A couple of months ago Pepper came and said she wanted to see me. Remember in January?"

"Yes," Rhodey answered.

"Well, she was only here two days, but we talked. It was good to see her again. But…well…uh, yeah. So, Pepper is…she's pregnant. She's due in about a month and a half. There have been a few complications, nothing too serious, but she has a doctor's appointment on Friday and I told her I wanted to be there because they are going to do an ultrasound."

Speechless, Rhodey sat back in his chair. If Tony said he was hanging up the Iron Man suit, having a sex-change operation and hitting the road in a one man show entitled "Tech Mogul Goes Wild," he would have been less surprised. There had always been something deviously neurotic about the man, but this was a sure sign of the apocalypse.

Rhodey laughed nervously, tossed his head back, and said, "Okay, so that was pretty funny, Tony. Now, where are you really going?"

Tony rolled his eyes and remained silent.

Rhodey swallowed hard, "You're serious?"

"Yes, and I'd like for you to keep it to yourself until after the baby is born," Tony said.

While Rhodey sat, processing, he could vaguely hear Tony muttering, "Wait for it…wait for it…"

And then finally, "Wait, wait a minute," he said. "Why are you so concerned about being there for Pepper and her baby? It's not like it's yours." The question hung heavily in the air until Rhodey's eyes widened in realization. "Holy shit!"

"Yeah," he whispered softly, his eyes never leaving his.

Flipping the pages in his mental calendar back, he finally spoke again, "You…you had sex with Pepper?"

"That is generally the preferred method of making a baby…but if you need a review of the mechanics, I have a few choice websites you can check out."

"Yeah, I'll pass, I think I get it. Jesus! Wait…If Pepper's due in a month and a half, then she would have been pregnant before she quit," Rhodey observed.

"Yeah, that's true. But she didn't know it at the time," Tony explained.

"Tony! I mean, wow. I…I didn't realize the two of you were…together."

Tony sighed, "We weren't, not really. I kinda fucked that up. And we aren't now. But, well, I don't know."

"I see," Rhodey said, sitting back in the chair again. He was silent for a moment, until his eyes narrowed and he fixed him with his patented glare. "Tony, I want you to please tell me you didn't do what it is I think you did."

"I'm not getting into specifics Rhodey."

"Man, tell me you didn't sleep with her and then freak out, please tell me that's not what happened Tony."

"That's not what happened Tony," he echoed automatically, but not convincingly.

"Fuck!" Rhodey chided, all the pieces of the puzzle crashing into place. "I can't believe you did that to her! You knew how she felt about you. How could you do that? And I know how you feel about her. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Listen, Rhodey, we're trying to move forward the best we can," he said tersely.

"Oh my God. I would have castrated you!" Rhodey mumbled under his breath.

"Well, if I ever spend a night with you and knock you up, you can feel free to castrate me, man."

"What? You seriously slept with the woman one time and got her pregnant? What are the odds of that? Mr. Manwhore who managed to not procreate in all of the years I have known him?"

"Three."

"What?"

"It was three times. One night, yes, but three times…"

"Jesus Tony, really? TMI man." Rhodey shook his head still in disbelief. "You are going to be a father, man. A father! You! That is just insane!"

"I know."

"She and the baby are okay?"

"Uh, yeah. She's fine, and he's fine too." Tony allowed himself to smile.

"He?" Rhodey questioned.

"Yes, it's a boy. One shot and score! I'm batting 1000, man. Of course, it's me…anyway, yeah, we are going to have a son. Thank God. Not sure how I would handle periods and shit like that."

"Wow. That's crazy. I mean, good crazy. Is she big? I just can't imagine Pepper-workaholic-Potts being pregnant, I can't imagine her slowing down long enough," Rhodey grinned.

Tony realized it felt good to finally tell someone, to be able to share with someone else this life-changing news. "Imagine the same Pepper having swallowed a basketball, and that's what she looks like."

"I bet she looks good pregnant," Rhodey said nostalgically, and a bit out of character, but Tony figured it was some unspoken bond the two of them had forged through the years of putting up with him. "Congratulations, buddy," he said, getting up from his chair and giving him a hug. "Maybe the rest will work out."

Tony 's smile faded into a thin line, because he knew better. "I don't think so," he said.

"You never know," he insisted. "I knew from the day you disappeared in Afghanistan that she loved you. That's a long time, man."

"I think in time she might forgive me Rhodey, but she seemed pretty adamant that there was no chance of...well, of anything else."

"Give it time. Give her time. You love her…you are in love with her. That is a powerful thing, especially for _you_. In all the years I have known you I have never seen you like you are with her. About her. Just wait and see. Especially when this little mini-Stark arrives. You'll see. Give it time."

He shrugged noncommittally, wanting - but not daring - to let himself believe that he could be right.

"I guess I should get to work," Rhodey said.

"Yeah."

He walked toward the door to then stopped and turned around. "When he's born, I want pictures, got it?"

Tony nodded and said, "Of course."


	4. Chapter 4

Once again, these characters aren't mine. I just enjoy taking them out and playing with them once in a while.

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement! I do hope you all enjoy this!

He arrived a little later than planned, but Pepper was waiting for him as promised. She'd offered to pick him up at the airport, and he'd accepted.

Their other visits were quietly formal affairs, him renting a car, staying in a hotel, sharing a meal or two, trying to figure out something to say when she showed him the nursery she'd set up in her condo. Tony had accompanied her on two doctor's visits; in the first, he'd heard the baby's heartbeat and had fidgeted in the waiting room in the midst of about twenty pregnant women while Pepper got her check-up. She said he was nuts to fly from Malibu to San Francisco to sit in a waiting room for an hour while she was poked and prodded, but he felt it was the least he could do. By the second visit, he had paid her OB a hefty sum to begin making housecalls. The visits were conducted in Pepper's condo, the doctor bringing any equipment that she needed along with her. On the second visit, he had actually gotten to see the baby on the 3-D ultrasound. It was an amazing, humbling experience, and he was more than grateful that Pepper had allowed him to be there. The technician her doctor had brought along was a sweet, southern, older woman Tony just knew was a grandmother ten times over. Her heartfelt proclamation, "Look at those cheeks Mom and Dad! And that sweet little chin…looks like his Daddy," had literally made his heart swell with a pride he didn't know he was capable of feeling. "And it is definitely a boy…a well-endowed one at that!" This comment had elicited a smirk from Pepper and an under the breath comment, "He gets that from his dad too," which left Tony oddly embarrassed and pleased at the same time.

The memories quickly faded as he was exiting his plane and walking down to the tarmac. He scanned the area for Pepper, but was stopped by a man he didn't recognize, one who obviously recognized him. "Tony?" the man questioned. For about two seconds time stopped, and he felt his entire world being jerked out from underneath him. "Pepper is fine, but she's sick, and wasn't in a position to pick you up. I'll give you a ride to her place."

"She's okay?" Tony asked.

"Yes," the young man answered, and started to say more, but Tony held up his hand. Just a minute, he thought, I'm trying to figure out whether or not I'm having a heart attack. "My name is Mike Andrews," the man smiled, offering his hand. Tony didn't shake it, but followed Mike toward his waiting car.

Tony tried to remain calm, but he had to ask again, "Pepper, she's all right, just sick?"

The other man frowned, "She's been really sick lately, like she was in the beginning. To be honest, we've been worried - all of us at work - about her. She pushes herself too hard."

"That's Pepper," Tony said absently, wondering who 'we' was. It bothered him that these other nameless, faceless people knew more about Pepper's routine and condition than he did.

As they made their way into the car, Tony stowed his bags in the space provided, and climbed into the front. The shrill ring of a cell phone startled Tony, a hand went to the inside pocket of his jacket, but then he remembered that Jarvis would have alerted him had he had an important message.

Mike answered his phone, "Andrews," he said. "Oh, hey," and his tone changed, the lilt softening once he recognized the voice on the other end. Tony checked for a wedding ring, but there wasn't one. Studying his body language, Tony noticed the way Mike angled away from him just slightly. He hated his long dark ponytail (Really? A ponytail? What a douche.), the way the muscles in his face relaxed until there was the hint of a smile, and the way he spoke in the hushed tones of someone sharing secrets. "Are you okay?" Mike ran a hand through his ridiculous hair, a worry line standing out prominently on his forehead. "Pepper," he said, and that caught Tony's attention; he was speaking too intimately into his phone to be talking to Pepper, wasn't he? "How long have you been there?" A pause, and then Mike closed his eyes. "Are you all right?"

Tony interrupted, "Is everything okay?" he questioned.

Mike nodded and held up his hand, 'Just a minute,' he mouthed. "I just picked him up. We're on our way now, we can be there in less than an hour." Another pause and Tony could hear an indistinct voice, but couldn't make out what was being said. "No, we'll meet you there, you shouldn't be driving."

Another pause and then, "It's not up for discussion, Potts, we'll be there soon, and then you can argue all you like. Yes, I know, yes I know you could kick my ass…Listen, Pepper, we'll pick you up, just sit tight, okay. Yes, I'll tell him. Bye." Flipping the phone shut, Mike took a deep breath. "That was Pepper, she's fine and the baby's fine, but she's at the hospital. She was so sick, she couldn't stop throwing up, so she drove herself to the hospital and they had to give her a shot," he explained. "She wanted me to tell you not to worry."

"She's in the hospital?" Tony was alarmed, he didn't think conditions like placenta previa and trips to the hospital were considered routine in pregnancy.

"Yes, but her doctor has already been by to see her, and the shot knocked out the nausea, so she's free to go. Apparently, she was at the hospital when she called earlier, but didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to worry, or to worry you, but she wasn't released in time to make it home, so she had to come clean."

"How long will it take us to get there?" Tony asked.

Mentally calculating the miles, and figuring they'd missed most of rush hour traffic, Mike looked at his watch, "We'll probably be there by 8:30."

Because there was nothing he could do, Tony changed the subject, not wanting to think about Pepper lying in a hospital room alone. "How do you know Pepper?" he asked.

"We work together at the University. Same department. We work…closely," Mike answered.

"Pepper and I, we've been friends for a long time, I was her boss in –"

Mike interrupted him, the ease and affability he exuded upon first meeting Tony vanished, his voice was flat and accusing, "I know who you are," he said, clipping his phone on his belt.

The rest of the ride was silent, and Mike beat Tony in asking the nurse where Pepper was, and Mike was two steps ahead of him once they finally rounded the hallway to her room.

There was something supremely satisfying about being able to show Mike Andrews the door. At the hospital, Tony had been squeezed out of the equation. Mike Andrews had hovered over Pepper while Tony spoke to her doctor. Normally a woman wasn't this sick during her pregnancy, the obstetrician informed him, but at the same time, it wasn't life threatening. Pepper and the baby would be fine. Per doctor's orders, Pepper needed to take it easy, work less, and make sure she didn't get dehydrated.

When he'd finally been able to see her, Tony and Pepper exchanged sidelong glances, neither being able to fully look at the other. The only thing he'd said to her was that he was glad she and the baby were all right. Tony drove her home in her car, but Mike followed. They shared a history, a baby, and a partial future tied forever together by a child, but they were in-between; together they fit nowhere and weren't easily defined.

In Malibu, before falling asleep, Tony would lie on his back and close his eyes, imagining how hard it must be for Pepper to be pregnant and alone. Mike Andrews was a rude awakening; Pepper was not alone. She had people who cared about her in San Francisco, people with whom she shared a life; Tony was the outsider.

Mike hugged Pepper, and then made his way to the front door. "Goodbye Mike, thank you for your help," Tony said with a casualness he didn't feel. The other man tipped his head and left; Tony sighed in relief. What a prick. Pony-tailed, arrogant, unwelcome, flip phone prick.

Pepper was reclined on the couch, her head felt like it was filled with rocks, so heavy; it was the effects of the drugs, the way she was tired, unnaturally so, a distance to everything, her senses off-kilter, contorted and stretched and not easily reachable.

"Do you need anything?" Tony asked.

"No," she answered. "Water," she amended.

Tony moved through her home making his way toward the kitchen; it was a bigger place than she'd had in Malibu; two bedrooms, a nice sized living area, with history in the extensive crown molding and the marks of many other lives on the hardwood floors. It was sparsely decorated, but homey in its own way. The one time he'd been there, she'd given him a quick tour, had shown him the baby's nursery. They'd stood in the doorway together for a long while, looking at the crib, the bags full of clothes and bedding, a stuffed dog hanging limply over the side of one of the bags. Outside of that room they would go their separate ways, but inside they were bonded forever, and what was there to say really? Tony had said, "It's nice." Pepper had nodded and said, "It's got a ways to go yet." In truth, he hadn't even wanted to set foot in the room. They still hadn't come to an agreement about her moving back. She was adamant that she and the baby were going to stay in San Francisco and it was making him insane. He knew that he couldn't let the conversation go much longer.

On her refrigerator, magnets held reminders in place: a small card with the date and time of her next doctor's appointment; a piece of paper torn from a notepad with Tony's date and time of arrival in Pepper's neat cursive; a postcard from Rhodey, and although he felt guilty for reading the contents, he reasoned that the card was right there, available to anyone who happened by. The message was short and teasing, but near the end, he told her to call him sometime.

Pressing the glass against the yielding plastic arm, he watched hypnotically as it filled, and then turned out of the kitchen back toward Pepper.

"Here you go," he said, handing the glass to her. "How are you feeling?"

She sipped her water, then rolled her head from side to side. "Tired," she answered honestly. "You know how it is in hospitals, being there is usually worse than whatever it is you're there for," she smiled.

"Amen. That's why I never go. You, uh…You've gotten bigger since last month," Tony observed.

Setting the water to the side, Pepper rubbed her stomach. "Yeah, it's starting to get uncomfortable. Sometimes, it feels like he's sitting on my ribs."

"I can't imagine what it must feel like, for him to be in there, moving and growing. It's like that scene from Alien –"

"Sucking his thumb," Pepper said, although somewhat sadly. At Tony's inquisitive gaze, Pepper explained. "Because I was so sick, they did an ultrasound this morning, wanted to make sure he was okay. He was sucking his thumb," she told him.

Tony didn't know what to say; it made the baby seem more real, more personable somehow. "Wow," he said. "That's…frighteningly real. And he looked good?"

"Yes, yes, he was fine. Good, steady heartbeat," she paused as if considering something. "The placenta, it's moved," she said, almost embarrassed. "I'll, uh, be able to have him vaginally."

"That's good, Pepper. I had Jarvis read up on that condition, it's more serious than you led me to believe," he said without rancor.

"I didn't have a bad case of it; it was only partially covering, so um, I had a much better chance of it correcting itself."

"I'm glad everything is okay."

"Me too."

"Will you still have an appointment on Friday?" he asked.

Pepper nodded, reaching for her glass of water. "Doctor Russell said she still wants to see me."

"Good, I want to be there, to see him," Tony said.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"If you want to…I understand if you want to get…He's your son. There was never anyone else…but I understand if you need to…verify that once he's here. Just for your own peace of mind."

Sitting next to her on the couch, he was taken aback by her statement and by its implication. He knew they loved each other. He also knew she would never have slept with someone after having just slept with him, no matter what her state of mind at the time. He reached out and gently cupped her face in his hand. "Pepper…no. Honey, I know he's my son. Our son. I have never doubted or questioned that for even a second. I know you, the kind of person you are. That's all I need to know."

She nodded simply, leaning into his touch for a moment until the feelings she was experiencing became too much, too awkward for her. "Um, well, I finished the baby's room, do you want to see it?" she said pulling away.

There was a sadness he couldn't pin down, something that drifted around inside him, bumping his lungs, bouncing off his liver, pushing upward toward his heart. "Sure," he replied.

They stood and he followed her down a narrow hallway; she'd hung pictures in the hallway since he'd last been there, and a round, antique table was at the end of the hall with what looked like a fern perched on its top. The door to the baby's room was closed, she reached out and turned the knob, pushed the door open. The walls were painted midnight blue, a mobile hung over the oak crib, the miniature cars swaying a little as they walked closer.

Maps of different parts of the world were framed and hung on all four walls; there were no pastels, it wasn't the usual fare for a baby's room. But there were touches of Pepper everywhere, it was intelligent and unique, it was something she'd pondered, had deliberated over. On the short dresser that doubled as a changing table, there was an assortment of baby paraphernalia; Tony guessed the drawers were full of baby clothes. A small, leather recliner was in a corner, a nightstand to the right. There were books and magazines stacked on the nightstand, a lamp and box of tissues; there was an issue of Scientific American on the floor next to a box that boasted a picture of a baby monitor on the front, the box unopened. In the other corner, there was a small, wicker hamper. Tony peered over the side of the crib; there was an impossibly tiny comforter adorned with racecars. Probably for him. She was always considerate, purposeful, about everything. No matter how hard he tried, though, he could not visualize a baby in the bed, nor could he see Pepper sitting in the recliner, whispering as she rocked their son to sleep.

He was in his son's room –his son, how strange those words were- but he was a stranger, he had not picked out anything, had not helped Pepper assemble the baby's bed, had not gotten a level and made sure the pictures were straight. He would not be there when she put the baby in the crib at night, he would not be there when he woke up. It would be her, maybe Mike Andrews, maybe some other man, and Tony would still be in Malibu playing superhero; he would be in Malibu, alone –no, lonely, I'll be lonely without her, without them, he thought- and Pepper and his son would be in this room.

Without turning around, he whispered, "Pepper, I'm sorry I said what happened between us was a mistake. It wasn't, not now, not then. I was overwhelmed - I am overwhelmed by my feelings for you. I've written you letters, I've kept them, maybe I'll send them to you so you'll know how I feel, would that be all right?" It was all he knew to say, he was not eloquent with his own thoughts, but he felt the least he could do was to be honest.

He turned around but she was not there; he turned and left the room, walked down the hallway, but she wasn't on the couch, either. Crossing the living room, he made his way to her bedroom, and there he found her, asleep. Looking at his watch, he saw that it was after eleven. He wondered how long he'd stood in the baby's room, but he didn't know what time he'd entered, so there was no real way to gauge. He wondered why she left him standing there, and why he didn't notice when she slipped away.


	5. Chapter 5

See CH 1 for disclaimer.

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Jarvis announcing Col. Rhodes' presence startled him out of his reverie; he tucked his letters to Pepper back into the drawer, and moved to greet his friend.

"Hey, I got your message," Rhodey said. "What's up?"

"Come on in," he said, holding open the door.

"Hey man, can I grab a drink?" he asked.

"Sure, help yourself," he answered, disappearing to his bedroom. Finding his shoes in the corner, he sat on the bed and slipped them on, pulled the laces tight.

He found Rhodey in the kitchen, in front of his refrigerator, transfixed.

"I can't believe it," he said. Pulling the picture and magnet off the refrigerator, he held the picture above his head, letting the light shine more evenly through the thin paper.

The technician had printed off several pictures of the baby from the ultrasound she'd performed, had given Pepper a long strip of them. Generously, Pepper had cut two off for Tony. One was in his wallet, and sometimes, when he was alone, he'd pull it out and stare at it. He had two nearly identical pictures of the baby's profile.

Rhodey held the picture in his hand, looked over the top of it at Tony. "You're going to be a father," he said seriously.

"I know, which is why you're here," he replied. Rhodey looked at him, not understanding his meaning. "I need things, for the bambino," he said.

Rhodey held the picture to the refrigerator, and placed the magnet at one corner so none of the baby's face was obscured. He seemed hesitant and sad; he wouldn't meet Tony's eyes. "Pepper is in San Francisco, Tony," he began.

"I know that," he said.

"What do you want to buy?" he asked.

"Everything," he answered.

"Why? Won't you be going there to see him?" Rhodey pointed out.

Tony sighed, and looked away. "She needs to know she can come here, that there is a," he paused, not good with letting anyone in. "Pepper needs to know she can always come here, that there is room for them here," he said. "That I have made room for them both. I never made room for her before, and she needs to know whether she's here or not, there is a space reserved for her always, for them."

Rhodey's smile was filled with compassion. "Let's go shopping."

"What the hell is this?" Tony asked.

Rhodey laughed and said, "I think the lady said it was called a diaper genie. I don't know. She said you'd thank her later."

"I never knew how much crap kids need." They'd shopped for three exhausting hours. His back hurt, there were still bags of baby stuff in his car, and Rhodey was entirely too perky. There were diapers and baby wipes on his couch, and diaper rash cream on his kitchen counter. He was sure he was going insane, he could not rationalize the fact that his home had been invaded by Babies-R-Us; it did not fit with his technology, love of art, his previous playboy nature. He did not know where to put his son's clothes, so he cleared out a drawer in the dresser in his room, and put them there.

"I need to get going, Tony. Can you handle the rest?" Rhodey asked.

Tony was holding a screwdriver in his left hand, and a piece of paper in his right. "Yes," he said, looking down at the paper. "I'm going to put the crib together now." Looking up, he saw Rhodey's head jerk back, as if someone had pushed him. "What? I _am_ an engineer…plus I want to make some modifications to this puppy," he stated seriously, already planning ways to update and mod the bed.

"Tony, you just spent thousands of dollars on baby crap, which is in your house, for a son you're having with Pepper. And now you are talking about putting together a baby crib. I feel like I'm having one of those really weird dreams, and that one of us is going to mysteriously walk into SI naked tomorrow, and then I'll wake up."

Without looking up from his paper, Tony replied, "You naked…that's called a nightmare. And…I don't want all of this to be a dream."

"Tony," Rhodey said softly.

For a baby bed, the directions were surprisingly complicated, Tony thought. It would take him a while to put it together. "Thanks for your help, Rhodey." He looked up and shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, sure. Anytime," he said. "Look, are you okay?"

"Um, aside from a little itching, me and my vagina are feeling just fine, thanks."

"Dude, come on. Knock it off. I am serious here. How are you with all of this?"

"I'm fine. I just…I want this. I never would have thought that, ever. But I want it. All of it. And I want Pepper. Here. It's just hard imagining that this may be the reality. Me, by myself, my son hundreds of miles away, only visiting from time to time. And Pepper…I just…I don't know." Not knowing what else to say, he paused, and then finally, "Thanks Jimmy. For everything."

"I'll see you later. And remember…give her time."

Setting the instructions and screwdriver on the counter, Tony grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Looking at the clock he realized that Pepper would still be up. He pulled the phone from its cradle and paced the kitchen. Finally, he punched the numbers for her phone, not knowing what he would say when she answered.

Three rings later, the phone clicked, and she answered, "Hello."

He was inexplicably nervous. "Hey Pepper," he greeted.

There was a pause on her end, as if she was surprised to hear his voice. "Hey, Tony. What's up?"

"I just wanted to call you, to see how you're doing," he said evenly, glancing at the explosion of baby items.

"Um, okay. You hate the phone Tony. But, I'm fine. Actually, I was just filling out the paperwork for my maternity leave."

He hadn't thought of this; hadn't thought of her waiting at home until her water broke or until she felt that first contraction. For some reason, he pictured her in an office, hair pulled back, managing someone's life, and suddenly she would stand up and discreetly leave, then they would meet at the hospital.

"About that," he tried to keep his voice neutral. "I was wondering if it would be all right if I came up a week before your due date. I wanted to be there when he's born. If you don't want me in the room, I understand, but I wanted to be there, to be able to see him," Tony said.

There was a long silence, but he allowed her time to think over his request. "Yes, of course," she answered after a moment. "And if you want to be there in the room, that's fine," she said.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I mean, I have already seen you naked and everything. Not something I will _ever_ forget. But I don't want you to feel pressured."

Laughing, she responded, "Yes, Tony. I'd been thinking about it already, but I – well, I'm surprised you brought it up, it caught me a little off guard. But you can be there, I don't mind." Pepper did not want to admit to herself that she wanted him there, that his thoughtfulness had reached inside her heart, and had calmed an ache she'd been refusing to acknowledge.

"I bought some things today, for the baby," Tony said.

Pepper was not sure if Tony's consideration was out of obligation or something else. She was too conflicted to hope it was more than him feeling duty bound to be supportive. "That's nice, Tony. Are you going to bring it with you?"

He was momentarily confused, but realized she thought he meant gifts. "No, I – uh, well Rhodey helped. I bought him a bed, and some other things, so you could visit here, if you ever wanted to."

"Do you want him to visit?" she asked.

Without hesitation, he answered, "Yes."

"Tony, I certainly don't mind him visiting you there, but while he's small, I won't be able to leave him, because of…you know," she lowered her voice, "I'm planning to breastfeed," she whispered.

Tony pushed the baby bed instructions around on the countertop. "I wanted you both to visit," he replied honestly.

Pepper felt overwhelmed, she didn't want to be vulnerable to Tony again; she had not expected his kindness. "Sure," she said. "Listen, I need to run. Let me know when you are coming in and I'll pick you up," she offered.

"I'll have Jarvis keep you updated."

"Bye," she said quickly.

"Goodnight," he said.

For a moment she didn't understand, but then the memory caught up with her, and she didn't know what to do with it, so she hung up the phone as gently as she could.

Leaning on the doorjamb, Rhodey asked, "When will you be back?"

Tony finished directing Jarvis before answering, "I am thinking two weeks. And I am bringing them both back here with me. Whether Pepper likes it or not."

"Good luck with that…"

"Yeah, thanks. So…Fury showed up in my shop the other day. Asked what was going on."

"What did you tell him?"

"That it was personal. I'll tell him and the rest of the team when I get back. Shit, he probably knows anyway."

"You know, first babies tend to come right on time or late, it may be longer than two weeks," Rhodey informed him.

"Wow. Thanks. Does that come from personal experience birthing your own? Yes, I know, and if she's overdue, then I'll be back in three weeks. I own the damn company, I can do what I want," he said.

The phone rang, and he answered, "Go for Iron Man..."

"Tony?"

"Pepper?"

Rhodey looked up and was going to leave when Tony held up a hand indicating he could stay.

When Pepper didn't immediately say anything else, Tony asked, "Is everything okay?"

She sounded tired, but there was something else in her voice. "I've been sick again –"

"Are you in the hospital?" Tony and Rhodey exchanged worried glances, and Rhodey moved closer to Tony.

"Yes, but –"

"I'm on my way," Tony said.

"Tony, wait," Pepper interjected. "I was really sick, and all the vomiting caused me to dilate. I was only a week away from my due date. I went in to the office to see Dr. Russell and when she checked me I was 5 cm. By the time they waked me over to the labor unit I was 8cm. I had him within 10 minutes of getting in the room. It was all so fast," she paused, and Tony sat heavily in his chair.

"Tony?" Rhodey questioned authoritatively, and he could tell he was already in motion, ready to do whatever he needed.

"Is he all right?" Tony asked. "Are you all right?"

"He's perfect, Tony. He's absolutely perfect and so beautiful." Pepper couldn't help but feel as though she had let him down. She was overjoyed holding her son, but she could hear the disappointment in Tony's voice, and she didn't know how to deal with the contrast. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you to be here."

"No, Pepper," Tony said immediately. "I…It's okay, I'm just glad both of you are all right. That's all that matters. I'll suit up and be there within a half an hour."

"We'll be waiting," she said softly.

Tony hung up the phone and brought his hands to his face.

Rhodey was almost afraid to ask, but pressed on, "What happened?"

With forced nonchalance, Tony answered, "That was Pepper, she was sick again which apparently can induce labor. She had him a little while ago," he said adding, "I missed it, I wasn't there."

"I'm sorry, Tony," he said moving toward him.

He held up a hand to stop him, he did not want to be comforted. "I'm going to grab a few more things, and then I'm leaving. I…I was flying out tomorrow, Rhodey. I –"

"It's okay, man. What matters is that you're going to be there now," he said.

Tony closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotion.

Rhodey waited for Tony to begin moving, to gather his things and run out the door. When he didn't, he asked, "What is it?"

It was a long time before he answered.

"I forgot to ask what she named him."


	6. Chapter 6

The typical disclaimers apply.

Before we get started, I wanted to respond to a couple of reviewers here.

Deadpool-rules: Until you mentioned it, I didn't even realize that was removing some of the formatting and transitions that I had in the story! Thank you for pointing that out to me and I will make an effort to correct that from here on out. ;)

Aolympia, katewalshs, Toni and Stark05 – thank you all for your continued words of encouragement as well! I really appreciate it! It helps to know that there are people out there interested. That is what keeps me writing!

And now on with the show…

Tony was jolted out of his haze as Jarvis indicated that he had arrived. He touched down gently, collapsing the suit into its case and heading toward the hospital entrance. He pulled his cap over his head and cinched his hoodie snugly around his neck, hoping to pull off an attempt at concealing his identity.

The nurse tried to explain it was past visiting hours. She was not unkind although she informed him dismissively he could come back in the morning. "Listen," he began, and immediately the nurse copped an attitude, smacking her gum and putting a hand on her hip. Lowering his voice, he began again, softer this time, "I missed seeing my son born. I'm his father, I'd like to see him now," he said. "Please," he added.

"Name?" she asked.

"I – I didn't have time to ask his name, I don't know what his name is, it was her decision."

"What's your wife's name?" she clarified. "Or girlfriend," she amended, realizing he was not wearing a wedding band.

"Potts," he answered. "Virginia Potts."

"Room 223, " she said, pointing down the hallway.

Tony picked up his case, and then turned and said, "Thank you."

She nodded and he turned back toward the door, set his case to the side and wondered when he'd become a basketcase. Probably about three and a half months ago, he mused. Who was this man flying from Malibu to San Francisco, taking more vacation time in three months than he'd taken in twenty years, a sonogram picture tucked in his wallet next to a hundred dollar bill.

As he remembered the grainy black and white picture of his son's profile, he was seized with anxiety. This is the real thing, he thought, rubbing his hands together in an effort to still the tremors vibrating up his arms.

Pushing the door open he saw Pepper propped up in the hospital bed, the lights dim, giving the room an aura of separateness from the rest of the hospital. Mike Andrews sat in a chair to the right of Pepper's bed, and they spoke in hushed voices, halting their conversation when they realized Tony had entered the room. A blanket was slung over Pepper's shoulder, but Tony saw a tiny, socked foot escape around the edge, then retreat again.

For as long as he'd known her, since the first day he'd met her, he'd been operating on a sense of containment. With her. Only with her. At first, sure, he flirted, he downright propositioned her. But she was the only one who evaded him. Over time, he respected that, and her for it. And so his affection for her…he pushed it down. It was an art form, his denial. In the end, it had been impossible. Trying to contain Pepper, and his feelings for her, had been like trying to contain the wind. It wasn't possible, and even if it was, the wind made his hands seem insignificant. He would never be able to hold it all. Seeing her in the bed, he wanted words to make everything right. Before he saw his son he wanted to be a normal, functioning human being. He did not want to be the coward who had not been able to commit to a woman who had always been too good for him. She smiled, and he wanted to go back nine months, to a lazy morning when a knock sounded on his door, to when he'd said, "I think what happened was a mistake..." He wanted, instead, to have said something charming and witty, or even the truth, "Tony's Love Shack how can I help you? Just so you know the daily special is a hunk of meat. Bone in."

Moving toward her, he squeezed in between Mike's chair and the bed, kissed her on the forehead.

"You made it," she said, smiling.

Her hair smelled like the ocean and baby powder. "Almost," he whispered apologetically.

Turning to Mike he said, "We need some time alone, Fabio."

"Sure," Mike answered, rising from the chair. "You did good, Pepper," he said, and then told her he'd come by in the morning.

When Mike left, Tony turned toward Pepper expectantly, twisting his hands together in anticipation.

Pepper looked up at him. "He's eating right now," she explained, gesturing with her free hand to her covered chest. "I just want to give him a moment to finish," she said.

"Oh, okay," Tony replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

She laughed nervously, and whispered in the quiet room, "Although, it's nothing you haven't seen before," the blanket falling, revealing inch by inch a baby's face that was instantly forever etched into his memory.

And just like that, he loved someone. That quickly, in the split second he saw his son's dark, spiky hair, his paper-thin fingernails, his tiny fist against his flawless baby cheek.

"Oh, Pepper," Tony whispered. "I never thought," and he couldn't finish, and he didn't even want to try and hold the wind anymore.

He reached up and cupped the baby's fragile head in the palm of his hand, ran a finger across his forehead and down his nose. Perfect.

"His name?" Tony questioned softly. "What's his name?"

"His name is Max," she said. " Well, I his full name is Anthony Maxwell Stark...for you. But I thought we'd call him Max."

"Maxwell…was the last name of your foster family. The ones…your family." He whispered to her.

"Yeah."

"It's…perfect, Pepper. You didn't have to name him after me, though…I mean, he…"

"He's _your_ son. It's your name, it was your father's middle name…I just, I wanted him to have a legacy, a family. I wanted him to have –" but before she could even finish he was there, in front of her.

"Thank you…for everything. For _him_." Tony leaned down and kissed her on the mouth, sweetly, passionately, but briefly. She could do nothing but nod her slightly stunned response and wonder at the enigma that was this man.

The baby snorted and opened his mouth, a pitiful wail piercing the stillness of the room. "Is he okay? What's wrong?" Tony questioned neurotically.

Pepper laughed, "He's finished now."

"Oh."

"Now you can hold him," she said, laying the baby on her outstretched legs as she pulled the edge of her gown over her shoulder. Once secured, she gently lifter their son and placed him in his father's waiting arms.

Tony sat beside her, his son in his arms, the baby's head wobbling from side to side, while he tried to support him in all the right places. Sliding a hand under his son's head, Tony situated his small body in the crook of his elbow. Max squirmed and huffed his discontent, his little arms flailing spastically. The baby eventually settled into the warmth of his father's body and tears silently trailed down Pepper's cheeks at the sight of the tears she found in Tony's eyes as he held his son for the first time. It was a sight she would never, ever forget and it meant more to her than she ever wanted it to. Her heart both ached and soared at that moment, and it made her love and hate Tony all the more. She knew at that moment that her heart would never be free from this man as long as she lived.

After a moment he looked to Pepper, seeking confirmation that he was doing anything right. She smiled, blinking away her own tears, and shrugged her shoulders, which told him: Maybe. Maybe he was doing something right, and he decided to let it be enough for now.

"Pepper, he's…he's perfect. Amazing."

"He is. He looks _just_ like you," she beamed at him, proud that she had done something right for him.

"He does. Lucky kid. It's kinda crazy, I…I can't believe he's finally here. I can't believe he's ours." He sat in the chair at her bedside, holding his son tightly. His son. He still couldn't quite believe it. A physical representation of both him and Pepper, evidence of the love they had shared, even if briefly.

"How was the…you know. Getting him out. Ugh. How was the birth?" he asked, looking at Max.

Chuckling she answered, "It was…fucking hell." He smirked at her language but made no comment. "Because I was so sick, I dilated quickly, there wasn't time for an epidural," she explained. "By the time I got to my room and the doctor checked me, I was already eight centimeters. He is apparently impatient like his father," she said glaring at Tony who only shrugged sheepishly. "It was all a whirlwind. He came so fast. And he has your huge head. Ugh. It wasn't fun…but it was so worth it."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I wanted to be," Tony said somewhat sadly.

"I know you did. And I am sorry too. But it's okay," she assured.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at the baby, leaned down until his cheek was against his son's, whispered in his ear, "Hello Max, I'm your dad. It's nice to finally meet you."


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you again for the kind words and encouragement! Please keep them coming…that is what keeps me writing and motivated to finish this one.

* * *

Bleary eyed, Tony rolled off the couch and stumbled toward Pepper's bedroom. The baby wailed impatiently, and Pepper rolled over, said, "I'm coming, I'm here." He watched her fumble with the switch on the lamp, but instead of turning it on, she knocked it off the nightstand, and it toppled over and crashed to the floor. "Shit!"

The baby wailed louder, oblivious to the plight of the two adults who had never - in all their professional lives of jet-setting, late meetings and mischief - been this tired.

"You need help?" Tony mumbled.

"You don't have the necessary equipment," she retorted irritably.

He stepped in the room and felt along the wall for the bathroom door, sneaking his hand around the frame and finding the light switch.

It was too bright, and his eyes slammed shut.

"Thanks," Pepper said, swinging her feet over the side of the bed, and picking up Max from the crib that was now in her room. After two nights of sprinting back and forth from her room to the baby's nursery, one jaunt that ended in an unfortunate collision between Tony and Pepper, Tony had suggested in a way that wasn't a suggestion but more a command, "Why don't I just move the crib to your room."

"Damn," Pepper swore softly.

"What?" he asked.

"It hurts, Tony. Contrary to popular opinion, breastfeeding is neither a bonding experience nor pleasant in any regard, I frankly don't give a shit if it shrinks my uterus. It fucking hurts."

"Sorry," he offered, scratching his beard.

She looked at him as though she wanted to do something that would cause extreme physical pain. "You want water?" This had been their routine for the last several days; she'd chew him out about breastfeeding, lack of sleep, the slow healing from the delivery, and he'd get her a glass of water and settle down to watch their son nurse with innocent greed. After a few minutes, Pepper would rest her head against the headboard, then smile dreamily at the baby, as if the previous ten minutes hadn't happened. If Tony wasn't so tired, he'd probably be scared and worried about the mood swings.

"Yes," she answered through gritted teeth.

"Be right back," he mumbled, stumbling over the lamp, "Shit," he muttered, trying to disengage his foot from the shade. "I just stepped on the lamp."

"I don't care," she said, opening her eyes, the transformation already beginning.

Upon his return, he found Pepper on her side, the baby asleep on his side facing her. "He wasn't really hungry," she told him.

"Here's your water," he said, setting it on a coaster on the nightstand. He watched Pepper pat Max's back, the intervals slowing as her eyes closed. Walking to the other side of the bed, he eased down onto the comforter. Pepper's eyes flew open, she didn't smile but she didn't ask what he was doing, either. Tomorrow, he was flying home to Malibu, and he didn't know how to leave either one of them behind. Pepper had been generous with Max, letting him watch as she breastfed, not complaining when Tony eased the baby from her, both realizing his time was limited.

It was a sore subject, one that Tony had not let go without a monumental fight between the two of them. That was yesterday. The memory of it still left him with a feeling of despair deep inside, reaching all the way down to his core. Max had been slumbering contentedly against Tony's chest as he reclined on the couch watching SportsCenter. Pepper had just gotten out of the shower and the sight of the two men in her life curled together on her couch brought tears to her eyes. "Hey," she had whispered.

"Hey. He was out like a light within two minutes. I think he actually likes the arc reactor. The humming is very calming. Not the same as your…pillows…but it works," he smirked.

"Well that's good. My pillows need a break," she joked. "And after tomorrow they aren't going to get much of one."

The realization was like a gut shot. Tony flinched, not wanting to cope with the fact that he was leaving them behind. Tomorrow. They had carefully tiptoed around the subject until now, but there was no longer any room to run and hide.

"About that. Pepper...you should both just come home. With me. I mean, really, what the hell are we doing?"

Exasperated already, she looked at Tony, hands planted firmly on her hips. "We have gone over this before. THIS is my home now. His home. We LIVE here Tony. Not in Malibu. I have a job and responsibilities, and…"

"And, and and…who cares?! I want my son and I want you. You both belong in Malibu with me," he stated as though it were a fact she should have come to terms with long before.

Had he not been holding Max Pepper surely would have thrown something at him. At his big, fat, obstinate head. "I don't _belong_ anywhere but with my son, Tony. You don't own me. I am not some possession that you simply misplaced."

" _Your_ son? He's _our_ son, Pepper. Let's not forget that I had a hand in him being here. Well, not a hand as much as my…"

"Tony!"

"Anyway…I want to be with him every bit as much as you do. And I know you are not a possession, I wasn't implying that. But wouldn't it be so much easier if we were all together?"

"Easier for whom, Tony? For you? Of course! Life is generally easy when you get exactly what you want all the time. But you gave up that right all those months ago when you used me and then told me it was a mistake. I finally found my backbone where you were concerned and I scrounged what little bit of dignity that I still had and I left. I created a new life for myself and for our son. I am sorry if that doesn't make things easy on you. But my primary concern is no longer you. It is him," she said pointedly, gesturing to the sleeping baby. Her monologue infuriated him. Dear God, he had to go and fall in love with the one woman in the world who was every bit as stubborn and bull-headed as he was.

"So we're back to that are we? I told you I fucked up. You think I don't know that? I live with it every day. I miss you. I love you. All I want is you back in my life. And now we have Max. I don't want to spend eternity missing and loving both of you from afar. Jesus, Pepper. Why does this have to be so hard?"

"Because it is. That's life. When you have to actually stop and deal with the repercussions of your choices like every other adult, Tony, it sucks. Welcome to the club," she softened at the end. She was dealing with the repercussions of that night every bit as much as he was. She was just as lonely and the nagging feeling deep in the pit of her stomach told her that it would likely always be there. This man would always be there.

Groaning in frustration he shifted, trying not to wake the baby. "So, what now? We make our son pay for my mistakes? So then all three of us suffer? That's a great plan. Come on, Pep. You grew up without a family. We both did. Sort of. Mom was great – loving, warm, fun, exactly what a mother should be. And Dad was…Dad. But I lost them. I was a teenager, yes, but I was still a kid. We have both had to deal with growing up without parents. And now you want to do the same thing to our son? You want to put him through that?"

While he had a point, she knew he was using her hormonal state and raw emotions to play her. "It's not the same thing, and you know it. He HAS two parents who clearly love him. I know that you love him Tony. I can see that. And you have no idea what that does to me. How it makes me feel. I know you want to be with him all of the time. But that is not the reality. _Our_ reality. Like many, many other kids out there, his parents don't live together. He will adjust. It will be his normal, what he knows. We will have to travel. He will have to travel. But we can make this work Tony. He will be fine." With that she gently eased the baby from him and walked into the nursery effectively ending the conversation.

As the memory finally whispered away, his feelings still raw and vulnerable, Tony pulled the top sheet over Max's body lying on the bed between them, not wanting him to be cold. He quickly then pushed it back where it had been, because he didn't want the baby to get tangled up in the sheet during the night and suffocate. This parenting shit was already a million times harder than he thought it would be.

He looked around. Dirty clothes were piled in the corner, diapers overflowed out of the trashcan, and he really needed to pack his things. Duty called, and he knew he should help Pepper straighten up the place; but he just couldn't bring himself to move from his family.

"Goodnight," he whispered, shutting his eyes to sleep. He would eventually have to leave them, but he would be damned if he was going to do it one second sooner than he had to.


	8. Chapter 8

**Toni**

 **Both are stubborn individuals. Especially Pepper but she has every reason to be. It's tough and I completely understand both their points. I suppose I just want them together but that's not possible right now. I don't think Tony will part from them long and he'll probably notice a difference in Max when he returns. Thanks for the update :)**

You are absolutely right…I think seeing the changes in Max will definitely be hard for him!

 **InWaiting13**

 **This story is so depressing, but it's also very good. I'm caught in this weird situation as a Tony/Pepper fan because half of me wants them to be together, and then the other half craves the angst of them not being able to work things out. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment...like we all didn't get enough that in CACW. You just write the angst so wonderfully I can't help but like it.**

I feel the exact same way! I can't take the stories that are all mush. It is absolutely the angst that draws me in, because that is REAL. But…I do like happy endings. J

 **Deadpool-rules**

 **Why can't he move to SF? It's not like he would get caught in the traffic jam. Otherwise very sweet as always!**

That is definitely something he is going to have to evaluate!

 **Aolympia**

 **God! She's being so stubborn, but on the other hand, I understand that she still feels hurt and that her new life is important to her.  
Anyway, I really, really hope that you planned to give us some relief in the coming chapters :)  
I love your descriptions btw; it feels so real!**

A little relief MAY be coming your way. Let me know your thoughts on this one. J

And now on with the show…

…

"Tony!" Clint shouted. "You're finally back, man. 'Bout time you slacker," he smirked, moving down the hall.

"Yeah." Tony scowled and headed for the common room.

Banner and Rhodey sat at a table discussing Avengers business while Natasha listened attentively. "Hey man," Banner said. "Good to have you back. Not sure you look too rested though."

"How was your vacation?" Clint inquired, waggling his eyebrows.

"Uh…We'll get to that in a minute," Tony replied. Everyone except Rhodey looked around the room, wondering what he meant.

"So, you have the latest tech for us? I have been dying to see what modifications SI was able to make to my suit," Steve inquired.

"Um, no…I don't. Listen…hey guys, do you all have a minute?" he gestured to everyone around the room

He'd promised Rhodey pictures, and knew he needed to tell his team. "Listen," he began. He pulled an envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket, opening the flap and seeing his son's sweet expression which seemed to say, simply: Here I am. He'd decided it would be easier to use visual aides; there were several pictures of the baby in various stages of newborn perfection, and one of Pepper and the baby. He missed them so severely, his heart aching at the separation.

"Tony," Rhodey prodded, startling him from his reverie.

"Um," he said. "Yeah. I, uh…I have something I want to tell everyone." He spread out the pictures on the table; everyone looked confused, the one of Pepper was still covered by the others. "This is my son, Max," he said matter-of-factly.

"Son?"

"You have a kid?"

"What the f-…I mean, no wonder you have been in a good mood lately. You've obviously been getting some, but…"

"Clint!" Rhodey, Banner, and Steve shouted in unison.

"What?! Hey…let me see the pictures."

Amidst all of the "oooh's" and "ahhh's" Banner piped in with a bemused, "Wow, Tony…he looks just like you," which was followed immediately by a "yeah, this baby looks just like his daddy" from Steve. But is was a moment later when Rhodey picked up a picture of Max asleep in his crib - revealing the picture of Pepper and Max in the process - that the tone of the conversation changed.

No one spoke, and Rhodey wondered for a minute if Tony leaving in that particular picture had been a mistake. Looking at him, he guessed not.

"You and Pepper?" Banner asked. Tony simply nodded.

Clint's mouth was agape.

Steve smiled in a way that told Tony he was beyond uncomfortable, but not entirely surprised either.

Rhodey patted his arm, said, "Congratulations, Tony. He's a beautiful baby."

"Yeah, uh, congratulations man," Banner and Clint echoed.

"You and Pepper have a lovechild?" Steve asked. "Out of wedlock?"

"Steve!" Clint and Banner exclaimed, both punching him on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, but I'm in shock here," Steve said in his defense. "I mean, they aren't married, and…well, she is...did you…argh. Is this why she left?"

Even Rhodey stopped his adoration of the pictures, and all eyes focused on Tony as he responded, "No."

"Is Pepper moving back here?" Clint asked.

Tony shook his head, "No," he answered.

"But-" Steve persisted.

"It's not up for discussion, SparklePants," Tony warned.

On the plane trip home, Tony had outlined a basic schedule, which he hoped would work. "From now on, my schedule is going to be a little chaotic. At the end of each month I'll be gone four straight days so I can go to San Francisco and see Max. I'm telling you because I don't want everyone speculating about where I am or what I'm doing as has been the case since January."

Everyone looked away, as if they had not been party to the rumor mill. "Good looking boy," Banner said, easing the strain of Tony's disclosure.

"He is," Tony agreed. Handing a file to Rhodey, he told him, "Your tech specs are in here guys. Take a look when you have time."

"Thanks," Rhodey said, gathering the pictures of Max and handing them to Tony. Tony left his stunned team in the break room, and made his way to talk to Fury. He would be glad when this day was over.

Tony practiced his speech in his head, wanting to share his plans and his new schedule. There was no way he was giving up his time with his son to fly on any arms missions. The team was stacked enough that at this point, they could all share in those duties. Fury listened intently and was surprisingly accommodating, offering congratulations, and inquiring about the baby. It was slightly unsettling, hearing support and encouragement from the one-eyed, smug bastard. Once Tony had offered up enough fatherly pride, though, he turned to leave.

"Why did Potts leave? Surely you two could have worked something out? She was an asset to SI…and thus an asset to SHIELD," he stated evenly.

"She, uh, she didn't quit because of the baby," Tony explained, offering nothing more. He felt like he was fifteen again, back at MIT, in the Dean's office, trying to explain why he'd been kissing 18-year-old Anna Wills behind the bunsen burners in the Chemistry lab.

"I see," Fury said. "Well, congratulations, Tony. Your father would be proud."

When he finally made it home, Tony parked his Audi and collapsed into the desk chair in the workshop. There were mounds of paperwork, emails, meetings and messages waiting. Pulling the pictures from his jacket pocket, he slipped out the picture of Max and Pepper and wedged it between his toolbox and his restored "Proof that Tony Stark has a Heart" trophy.

Nothing looked the same, nothing seemed as important as it had when he'd left weeks ago. There was tech to design, arms dealers to thwart, a company to run, and shit to build. And he wanted to do that still; he'd built his life around his job, the need to be productive and to make a difference wasn't gone, but it was less somehow. There was something else now, something beyond Iron Man, the thrill of the fight and his quest to make things right which had once been so fascinating and consuming.

It was the middle of the night, and Max would probably be waking for his midnight feeding soon. Tony wondered who would bring Pepper a glass of water and listen to her frustration until the pain of being a mother faded away, who would hold his son while Pepper slid under the covers, exhausted from making his life complete and breaking his heart in pieces.

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Dressed in her bathrobe, Pepper opened the door, and then shuffled back to the couch. "He's asleep," she whispered, although the baby wasn't in the room. "How was your flight?"

"Good," he replied, setting his case just inside the front door. They'd fallen into a routine, with Tony flying up once a month for the past two months, and staying at Pepper's place, so he could see more of Max. "You look tired," Tony said, settling onto the couch. The room was dark except for the miniscule light from the television.

"I am," Pepper replied, curling onto her side, staring blankly as a deep-voiced correspondent discussed the recent turn in the market and the impact on the global economy.

"You miss work," he observed.

Pepper nodded. "Yes," she said.

"How long until your maternity leave is up?"

"Another two weeks," she mumbled. "I love being with him," she said suddenly, sitting up. "I do, it's just I miss –"

"It's okay to miss work, Pepper," Tony assured.

"Is it? I feel like he should be enough, and in so many ways he is," she trailed off.

"It's okay to want something for yourself," he said.

Turning her attention back toward the television, she sighed, "Yeah, I guess so."

"How was the visit with your brother last week?" he asked.

"Good. It was nice to take a nap while Pete and Maggy watched him for a couple of hours. I was glad they were able to come up. And it is nice getting some advice from seasoned parents. They loved Max, said he was adorable and looked exactly like you," she grinned.

"He is. And he does. And where is my mini-me?" he asked looking around for the baby.

Pepper looked vaguely guilty, but answered, "I talked to the doctor, she said it would be okay, so I moved him into his room," she informed him. "We both sleep better, I think he might be on a schedule, but we'll see," she added.

"I'm going to go see him," Tony said, getting up from the couch.

Yawning, Pepper told him, "Yeah, it's time for him to eat soon anyway. You can feed him." Covering her mouth she pointed to the refrigerator.

Tony arched an eyebrow, "While that would be fascinating, I still lack the necessary boobage to accomplish that one, Pep."

At her eye roll and smirk, he tried again, "What? Is he on formula now?"

"No, no," Pepper said. "I pumped some milk."

"Ewww. Okay. I mean…okay. I've never fed him," Tony whispered.

"I need an idiot's guide to motherhood, because Maggy told me about the breast pump. I had no idea. This thing could easily be used as a torture device, but it does allow me more freedom," Pepper said, another yawn breaking her rambling monologue. Seeing Tony's worried face, she smiled and added, "You'll do fine, Tony. Heat up the bottle for thirty seconds, shake it up, test it on your arm, and he'll suck it down as though he's never eaten before and may never eat again."

Pepper stretched out on the couch as Tony maneuvered around the coffee table. "Hey Pepper?"

"Yeah," she answered, her voice raspy.

"It's good to see you," he said quietly.

"Mmm," she replied.

Days passed quickly knowing that was all the time he had. Every second was measured, and he tried to make himself useful while taking time to enjoy his son. The leaving was becoming increasingly difficult. It was as if Max had awoken something in him, or created something he did not know how to explain.

When he visited, he and Pepper sometimes shared dinner or watched a movie together. He took his son for walks while Pepper attempted to clean. A few times, he'd taken Max with him to the grocery store, to the hardware store, down to the beach so Pepper could sleep. She was a good mother; not everything came naturally, he sensed her restlessness when doing menial tasks like folding laundry or changing dirty diapers. But, she loved Max, fiercely, completely, and wherever she struggled, there was more than enough love to keep the balance.

Pepper accused Tony of spoiling him because whenever he visited he would not put the child down, and when he left she spent days re-acclimating Max to his semi-normal schedule. "He cries when you leave," she informed him. "He wants you to hold him all the time," she smiled.

It was hard to leave knowing Max cried for him, that some part of his brain sensed Tony's presence and missed him when he left.

Tony unzipped the front flap of his case and pulled out a few letters, then laid them on the coffee table.

Having said their goodbyes, Pepper decided Max needed a nap. He'd been fussy all morning, and they both wondered if he had a cold. She entered the living room, and sat down on the couch.

"You already set your flight plan for next month?" she asked, looking at the stack of papers on the table in front of her.

Tony nodded, "Yeah, everything is on the refrigerator," he said.

"Okay," she said, picking up her cup of coffee from the side table. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the papers.

"I wrote you some letters a while back," he said evenly. "I wanted you to read them."

"Tony-" Pepper started, holding up a hand.

"Just read them, Potts," he said.

Pepper nodded once, too tired to argue.

Tony slung his carry on bag over his shoulder, and walked over to where Pepper was sitting on the couch. Leaning down, he kissed her cheek. "See you and Max next month," he said.

"Have a safe trip," she offered.

As he opened the door, Pepper asked, "What do the letters say?"

Tony turned back, "They're an answer to a question."

Pepper picked up the stack of letters. "What was the question?" she asked, flipping through the papers.

"What would I have said, if I'd said what I meant to, instead of what I did?"

"Tony-"

Max's phantom weight rested against his chest, and his fingertips remembered the feel of Pepper's skin. He had nothing left to lose, because he'd already lost her. "I don't blame you for being angry with me, because if I were in your shoes, I don't know if I could forgive you, either, Pepper," he told her, and she looked away. "I shouldn't have freaked out but I did. I have never…It wasn't…Pepper, you know me. Better than anyone else. You know that I love you. Like I have never loved anyone in my life. I have never felt like this before. Ever. And it scares the hell out of me. Being with you was not a mistake, but walking away was. And then I let you walk away. I will never make that mistake again." He paused, took a breath.

Pepper stared unseeing at his letters. She didn't want to hear Tony say everything she wanted to hear, not now, because it was a day late and a dollar short, a mantra she repeated in her head.

Shaking his head, he said in a quiet voice, "It took me so long to admit to myself how I felt about you, Pepper. That wasn't me. I didn't have those kind of feelings. I don't love. I don't commit. Mr. 'hit 'em and quit 'em.' But I realized something in that cave. When I had no one and nothing, the only thing that mattered to me, the only thing left was you. You are what got me through that time. And it still took me a while to truly understand it. To gather the courage to act on it. And then…that night. It was perfect. It was unreal. It was fucking hot. And it was what we both wanted, and needed. And then of course I fucked it all up. And by the time I had it fully figured out you were already gone. But…I love you, and I – I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. I love you so much it hurts."

His words, soft and honest, broke through her internal dialogue. Tony readjusted his hold on his case, everything heavier in the wake of his confession.

"Why are you telling me this now?" she asked, voice battling the tears she felt threatening.

Tony looked beyond the moment, not knowing whether he wanted to turn back time, or see into the future, so he would know how it all turned out in the end. "Because I know I'm out of chances with you. In truth you gave me too many, you were too patient, too forgiving too many times," he said, pausing, "I was scared of losing everything, of losing you, and I was scared it might not work out. Now I know what it means to lose you. I still have my money, my company, my cars, and I still have Iron Man. But I would give it all away in a second if it meant I could have you."

A nagging voice in the back of Pepper's head spoke without her brain's permission, "If Max weren't in the picture-" she started.

"I would still be here, Pepper. I would've called you, flown here and made you hear me out eventually. I tried to call before I even knew about him, I wanted to talk to you, but you wouldn't listen and I understand why. Max is here and he definitely affects us, but I loved you before I knew him," he said.

Pepper couldn't help the anger that crept into her voice, or the tears that betrayed her as they slid down her cheeks. "It would have been so good, if you would've said this then, if you had believed in me and what we had, but you didn't and I can't go back, Tony."

Setting down his suitcase, Tony walked to the couch and sat beside Pepper. He took her hands in his, and said, "I don't want to go back, Pepper. I want to move forward, I want it to be the way it could have been if I hadn't fucked everything up," he said, letting his lips linger on hers. She didn't pull back from the kiss, but didn't return it.

Her breath was a soft barrier between them, "Do you know how long I wanted you to say this? Do you know how long I waited for you to realize," she stopped, and pulled away. "I know you love me Tony, love has never been the problem," she said.

"Do you love me?"

Pepper took a deep breath, "What do you think?"

"You've never said it."

"I said it for years, but you weren't listening."

"Can you say it one more time?"

She started to speak, but Tony covered her lips with his, her words melting on their tongues. "Tony," she whispered, eventually pulling away again.

He pulled her closer to him, her body warm under his hands, and whispered, "Read the letters, just don't count me out of your life, not yet."

Pepper remained quiet, and sat back, folded her hands in her lap. Only a few inches separated them, but Tony knew Pepper had retreated to somewhere he couldn't reach. "I don't mean to push you, I just feel like I'm running out of time to make things right."

Pepper smiled nervously, looked at the clock on the side table. "Your plane is waiting on you. You should go," she said.

Tony nodded and rose from the couch, but not before kissing her one last time, slow and sensuously. He then dragged his feet to the front door and picked up his case.

It was at the airport, as had begun his long walk down the ramp to the plane that he realized that while Pepper had not fallen all over herself to give him another chance, she hadn't said no, either.


	9. Chapter 9

After a few technical difficulties…

Here is the 9th installment. Kind of a fun one…if you like angst! Ha ha. I had fun writing it anyway. :)

Feedback is much appreciated and encouraged! I may need it because I am struggling with the end.

Toni - not sure I will address what actually happened. I am thinking of keep it in the past.

IronJen92 - glad you are enjoying this one. This is the only Iron Man piece I have written and the characters for once seem to be coming easily to me.

InWaiting13 - I hear you! I am sucked for some good angst. But...I love ahappy ending too. :)

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He woke from the nightmare with a fierce start, sweat pouring down him in cascades. Blurred images of death, destruction, babies, blood and chaos swam through his consciousness. In his mind's eye, even as he tried to force out the images, he saw Max, pink-cheeked and healthy, wide blue eyes staring up at him, and Tony thought he was smiling; he felt his son's baby fine hair slip between his fingers, wispy and soft, and then the hair turned brittle, and Max's pink cheeks turned gray, and he wasn't in his crib, but on the slab in the morgue. Tony's heart raced, and he was seized with panic, sweat dripping down his forehead, stealing into his eyes, until he closed his eyes to ward off the sting.

Reaching across to his nightstand, he picked up the phone. She answered on the second ring, "Hello?"

"Hey, Pepper," Tony said, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice.

"Tony?"

"Yeah," he answered, twirling the phone cord around his thumb.

"Is everything okay?"

He remained silent, not knowing what to say. In the past, she'd always grounded him, but he didn't want to share these particular terrors with her. "Tony?"

"Yeah," he answered.

"Is something wrong?"

"Why do you ask?" he questioned, glancing at the picture on his nightstand.

"Because it's two o'clock in the morning."

He had not thought about the time, he just wanted to hear her voice. "I'm sorry," he offered. "I didn't wake Max, did I?"

"No," she said. "He's still asleep."

Tony noticed how clear her voice was, it did not sound as if he'd woken her, either. "Were you awake?"

After a pause, she answered, "Yes."

"What are you doing up so late Potts?" he asked, a teasing quality in his tone.

Another pause, this one longer than the first, "I'm, uh, Mike is here, we were talking."

He wanted to slam down the phone; he wanted to say a lot of things he knew he'd regret tomorrow. Or maybe he wouldn't regret them, but he knew he shouldn't say them. He settled on, "How nice. Well, I'll talk to you later."

"Tony, wait," but he'd already hung up the phone. Pepper walked out of the kitchen, phone in hand and told Mike she needed to speak with Tony. Looking at his watch, Mike told Pepper he was going to hit the road, and walked toward the door.

After he left, Pepper sat on the couch and tried to see it from Tony's point of view. Everything was too confusing, so she dialed his number and waited. Four rings later, she got his voicemail. Her anger kicked up a notch. She dialed again, and on the third ring he answered, "Tony."

A part of her was livid that he felt he had any claim on her, but if she called his home and another woman answered, she wouldn't be happy. She doubted she would hang up on him, but she had to admit it would hurt her. "It's not like that –" she said quickly, hoping he wouldn't hang up again when he realized who was on the phone.

"Tell me what it's like then, Pepper," he said, his voice full of contempt.

"I don't even know why I called you back, Tony. I don't owe you an explanation, not about this." She pushed off the couch and paced the room, stalked into the kitchen and circled the table.

"You're right, you don't owe me an explanation," he stated flatly.

The other voice, the you've hurt me voice, she hated that one almost as much as the condescension voice. Sighing, she replied, "We were talking, that's all, Tony. Mike needed to talk to me about some things, and to be honest, I needed a friend."

"You could have called me," he said.

"Tony," she said.

"Is he still there?" he questioned.

"No, he went home."

"What's wrong? Why did you need to talk to someone in the first place?"

"Why did you call me?"

He considered her question, and answered truthfully, "Dreams. Bad dreams. I wanted to check on Max, make sure everything was okay. I wanted to hear your voice."

"Tony-"

"Now it's your turn, what's on your mind?"

"It's nothing," she sighed.

"What is it?"

"I – I can't talk to you about this. Not now."

"Why not?"

"Because, Tony. It's complicated."

"Are you and Mike together?"

"No."

His relief irritated him, but was calming nonetheless. "I'll be your friend, Pepper," he said softly.

"Tony –" Pepper drew in a deep breath, "we're not friends."

Tony glanced toward his office door that he saw was not fully closed, and lowered his voice, "What do you mean?"

Pepper sat down on her kitchen chair, "You know what I mean," she said, picking up an apple from the bowl in the center of the table. "I'm not sure we've ever been just friends, Tony."

"Did you read the letters?" he asked, the distance between them making the question roll easily off his tongue.

She paused, twisted the stem of the apple until it snapped off, a tiny broken thing in her hand. "Not right away, but I finished reading them a few days ago," she answered.

He waited for more of an explanation, for a reaction, and when none was forthcoming, he asked, "What did you think?"

She laughed, "It was strange, and a little scary, that you could feel something so intense and keep it so well hidden."

"Hmm," he said, not receiving the answer he'd wanted.

She knew he was, but asked anyway, not wanting to discuss their relationship or lack thereof at the moment, "You still coming up at the end of the month?" she questioned.

"Of course," he said, looking at a new picture of Max that sat framed beside him.

"Max has a doctor's appointment on Friday, just a routine check-up, but I'll let you know how it goes," she told him.

"Okay." Leaning back in his chair, Tony closed his eyes. He wanted to reach through the phone, pull her onto his lap, feel the slight weight of her body against his, the inevitable warmth and life she made unique because of who she was. He wanted to kiss her, and he wanted the kiss to be returned, he wanted to hear her say it would be all right. He wanted his job to hold as much meaning as it once had, so he would not miss Pepper and Max as much as he did. Just once, he wanted to get off work and walk into his home without feeling like something, someone was missing.

"Tony?"

"Yeah," he answered, clearing his mind and his throat, the images of what he wanted faded into what he had, which was almost but not quite enough.

"I think I'm going to go to bed now, work starts early in the morning," she said.

"Yeah, okay," he sighed. "Goodnight, Pepper."

"Bye, Tony."

Pepper ended the call, but held the phone in her hand. Eventually, she went to bed, drifted in and out of sleep, Tony never far from her thoughts.

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Tony was bent over the body, careful to avoid the blood and brain matter, not knowing where to start as they dealt with the carnage of this latest encounter. The Ten Rings had reared its ugly head, this time in a small village outside of New Delhi.

"Sir, there is an incoming message from Miss Potts of critical importance."

"Hit me J, what's going on?" he answered.

There was no reply, only a cacophony of sound mixing together as the line was connected. "Jarvis what's going on," he said again.

And then Pepper's voice, hysterical and too high-pitched to be her own, pierced his ear, her words jumbled together, Tony unable to make sense of them.

"Pepper?" he questioned. "Slow down, I don't-"

In his peripheral vision, he saw Steve move toward him, his eyebrows rising in question. Tony waved him off and rose from his kneeling position.

He held his breath, the story beginning to take form, Pepper's voice a stranger's voice, because he had never heard her sound this lost or this upset. He could tell she was crying, and her recitation became jumbled again, and he wanted to tell her to stop, to regain a sense of control, but everything was spinning and it was all he could do to stand up. His heart was beating so hard he felt as if it was going to tear through his chest, and then he would die and it would be fine, because Max was in the hospital, and Pepper had said he was cyanotic, and that the doctor's were with him now, but wouldn't let her see him. She said he was not breathing well on his own, and from what he could gather, she'd picked up his tiny, unresponsive body from his crib, thinking he was asleep, and then she'd realized he was barely breathing, and that his skin was too hot, and his pulse was too slow.

"He was fine yesterday," she said so many times Tony lost count. "He was fine yesterday," she cried again and again.

But today was not yesterday, and so he said, "I'm on my way," and then hung up.

Steve's hand was on his shoulder, and he was turning around, but his vision was cloudy and his eyes could not focus.

The words came out, hoarse and uneven, "There is something wrong with Max, I need to leave now."

"What's wrong with him?" Steve asked, his hand tightening on Tony's shoulder.

"I don't know, Pepper's at the hospital, ," he said. "She wasn't making sense, she said he was not breathing well and they were at the hospital."

He knew he should move, he could visualize walking out and zipping off into the sky, but he couldn't move. He saw Max under his racecar covers, his tiny fists curled and drawn at his face, the way his back rose with every breath. Tony could not move, though, because if anything happened to his son, he was content to stay where he was, fall to his knees, and die right there.

"Tony?"

"I need to go, I have to go," he said, the fear evident in his voice.

He'd feared Pepper, he'd feared loving her and losing her, and so he'd stalled and avoided, and eventually he had lost her. Everything else, and everyone else, were passing moments, and he'd always faced life head on. He was terrified of losing Max, his insides rearranged themselves at the thought of what it would do to Pepper; he did not even know how he was still standing, because the fear was so overwhelming, it burned and twisted inside his mind. He was not a man afraid of many things, but those things he had been afraid of usually left him paralyzed, unable to go right or left, forward or backward, he simply went through the motions.

But, this time was different, because Max was his son, and he loved Pepper, and his fear was pushed down by how much he knew they needed him.

He would go to the hospital, he would be there for Pepper, he would be there for Max, and if anything God forbid happened to his son, there would be plenty of time later for dying.


	10. Chapter 10

Finally! A short chapter, but we are almost to the end. Sorry for the long wait. Real life definitely tends to get in the way. Enjoy…and hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!

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Even though he couldn't see any of it, he knew it was there. The lights, buildings, even the ocean with all its secrets and undiscovered creatures lurking beneath the water's surface.

Everything was a blur; a separation, an obstacle to be overcome. Only a few more miles now, but it felt as if he'd been on this road his entire life trying to reach his destination.

There was a voice inside him, a child's voice full of hope, a young man's voice not yet jaded by the world, telling him this was it. He was on the doorstep of Losing Everything in a way he hadn't before. Sure, Pepper had left him and moved to San Francisco, but she was still there - a phone call, a flight away. Max - his son, his second chance - lived too many miles away, but he too was there, within arm's reach. But now everything was different. Arm's reach just wasn't close enough anymore. Not when his son needed him. Not when Pepper needed him, and he needed her. God forbid anything happen to Max, Tony knew that nothing would ever be the same for him, let alone between him and Pepper.

He'd been fighting it, everything he'd felt for her, and even recently, he'd been telling himself he would live with it if she decided he was out of chances. He would make the most of it. Fuck that. Really. To hell with acting as if giving her up had ever been an option. To hell with trying to be a father from hundreds of miles away.

There was a realization as the hospital spilled into view, the thought sharp and beautiful as he careened into the sidewalk at the side of the hospital, pulling his body from the suit. The salty ocean air burned his skin and eyes, and he squinted against the coarseness of the wind blowing in off the ocean. There was no going back from this feeling, from this awakening. The journey was different now, not one of discovery, but of acceptance. For Pepper, for Max, there was nothing he could change or do over. This was where he was, and this was his life, and even though he did not want to love Pepper, he did. He had never planned on having children, and now he did not know how he would ever survive without Max. But, no matter what was beyond the doors, no matter what happened, the thought ran endlessly and insistently through his mind: _We're a family_. Improbable and thrown together by fate and circumstance and a love that would not be denied, although time and human frailty had tried to render everything between them invalid, it had ultimately prevailed in its own fragmented way.

It was real, and it was his, and he wasn't going to give up any of it without a fight. If only his feet would carry him to them faster. Slipping into the elevator, he began bargaining with God, he began promising that he would be different. "Just don't take my son from me," he whispered aloud. "I'll change," he promised. No more hiding and hoping Pepper perceived his intentions, no more sidelining at a safe distance, just in case it didn't work out between them. No more leaving Pepper and his son behind while he went on as if he were okay with the arrangement.

The three of them shared a sense of belonging, a unique and fragile bond that was strengthened during phone calls and end-of-the-month visits. His son cried for him when he wasn't there, and he thought maybe, just maybe, Pepper missed him as well. As he left her month after month, she lingered, never giving much away, but her presence, her solid, consistent presence and her wide smile were a kind of light in the darkness.

He could only pray he wasn't out of chances. Don't take my son from me, he pleaded.

The pediatric wing was decorated with landscapes done in primary colors; jovial, wide-eyed smiling crayon children holding balloons, arms extended toward their crayon parent counterparts. Tony's sense of future-filled hope came to a screeching halt as he emerged from one hallway into another and saw Pepper.

Calling out to her, he picked up his pace, and she turned toward him. He was kneeled in front of her before she had time to rise from her chair to greet him. Falling into him she was boneless and too thin, she was all edges of razor-sharp grief. "Pepper," he said, wrapping his arms tightly around her, dropping a kiss on her forehead, "tell me how he is, what happened."

Pepper cried into his shoulder and mumbled, "He's stable, finally. But not out of the woods. The doctor said he should be fine, but…it was too close, Tony" her words muffled against his neck.

"Where is he? I want to see him," Tony said.

Pepper nodded and pulled away, ran the palms of her hands across her cheeks, "Yes," she said, pushing up from her chair. "I only came out here because I just needed a minute, I- I," she stumbled over her explanation. "I don't want to be upset around him. He doesn't know what's going on, but babies sense things, I know he does, and I want him to feel safe not upset because of me."

Tony nodded, following her down the short hallway and into Max's room. His crib looked like a sort of prison baby bed with its iron bars and sterile white sheets. There were too many tubes and wires hooked up to him; he seemed too small to sustain such invasions. But Tony was thankful for the electrodes that informed him of his son's steady heartbeat.

"Max," he whispered, stepping to the side of the crib, cupping his son's small head in the palm of his hand. Max slept on, oblivious to his father's presence. Pepper turned away but leaned against Tony's side, her head resting awkwardly on his shoulder. "It's okay now," he said. "We're going to be okay," he promised. Pepper grabbed Tony's hand and swallowed the fear as best she could. "What happened, Pepper? What's wrong with him?"

Pepper turned her head so she was facing the baby, but continued to rest against Tony's shoulder. "He had a cold, nothing serious. That's what I thought. I told the sitter not to come today, I wanted to stay home with him. I was going to take him to the doctor because I didn't want the cold to turn into anything serious, and because he'd been running a fever, no big deal, right?" Taking a deep breath, she reached over and let her hand pass over Max's body. "Just a cold, that's what I thought. Apparently there is a respiratory virus babies are susceptible to – RSV - and it can be serious, sometimes fatal, and that's what he has, not a cold. He could barely breathe, he was turning a grayish-blue. It was…God, what am I doing, being a mother, Tony? When I think of what could have happened because of my –"

Tony interrupted, "This is not your fault, Pepper. Jesus. You can't help that he got sick. He's a kid. That will happen. This was nothing you did. I am sure it happens every day. He's going to be fine, that's all that really matters."

"This isn't what I planned, having him, being a mother - but I've tried so damned hard," she whispered, her cheek against his.

Tony ran his hand up her spine, until his fingers wrapped around the base of her skull, his thumb sweeping over the tender skin behind her ear. "You're a good mother, Pep. The best. Believe me when I tell you that, because I wouldn't ever leave my son and go back to Malibu if I thought for even a second that you weren't loving him and caring for him with everything you have. "

A half sob wrangled its way out of Pepper's mouth, a gust of air against Tony's cheek, and she brought a hand up to her face, overwhelmed by the moment, in so many ways, by all the moments that led to she and Tony standing over their son's hospital bed. "It's just that I love him so much, Tony, so much more than I ever imagined I could love anyone," she admitted.

"I know," he said. The hand resting on the back of her neck slipped to her cheek, and Tony turned her until they were eye to eye. "Everything is going to be okay." He searched her eyes for acceptance, but found something sweeter there. Pepper nodded her head, believing him as their lips came together sweetly and softly.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks everyone for hanging in there on this one. It has been fun to write, and I love reading the feedback and comments. PLEASE keep them coming!

One more chapter to go after this one…

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Tony's house was different; Pepper noticed immediately when he opened the door. Max was asleep in his carrier, the drive from the airstrip having lulled him to sleep after a rather restless flight. Stepping aside, Tony walked past Pepper and set the carrier on the kitchen counter; she watched as he extricated Max from his cocoon of sleep and safety. There was something strange about seeing Tony in his home with their son, something seemingly out of place. Max's eyes opened wide then closed again as Tony settled him against his shoulder. She watched them walk away, up the stairs, but for the first time she realized how hard on Tony it must have been to leave them behind month after month.

Returning a few minutes later, Tony slid the carrier off the counter and put it on the floor, then asked Pepper if she wanted something to drink. She declined and sat down on the couch, pulling her feet under her body. On the chair across from her, Tony sat down, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "Max is in his crib, in my room," he said. "He never really woke up."

"Good," Pepper answered.

"I'm glad you agreed to come here, to allow me some extra time with Max. It would have been hard to leave him, considering," Tony said, looking at her to make sure she understood.

Pepper nodded. "To be honest, I needed the time off too."

Glancing at her, Tony's face showed his surprise at her admission. Her willing admission forced Tony to realize that leaving them was hard, but so was being a single mother. Closing her eyes, Pepper leaned back against the couch. Quietly, Tony got up from where he was seated and slipped in between the couch and the coffee table, sat down so he was facing her. She didn't open her eyes, and fleetingly he wondered if she knew what he was going to say.

"This isn't going to work anymore," he whispered, letting his hands rest on her knees.

Pepper didn't open her eyes, and Tony noticed she didn't seem surprised or alarmed by his words. All she said was, "I know."

"My parents died when I was a teenager." Tony had rarely ever talked about his parents, it was too painful, but he didn't want there to be any miscommunication and he didn't want her to feel threatened. He wanted her to understand. "Things were …I have never been the same. Nothing has changed this void I've carried with me my entire life. Nothing has removed the pain."

"Tony, it's not the same. You are alive. You are here. You visit him, I talk to him about you."

"Yes, and I appreciate it, Pepper. But it's not the same. It's not and Max will begin to wonder one day, maybe when he hits his first homerun or builds his first bot, or wants me to meet the first girl he's fallen in love with, 'Why isn't the old man here when I need him?'" Tony drew in a breath that bolstered his confidence. "Some moments have already passed. Moments I will never get back. And despite my insane genius, I won't ever be able to turn back time and fill the void of my absence, so what he'll know is that I love him, but I'm never really there when he needs me. I could be the fun dad on the weekend, the one who teaches him pick up lines and how to build a hot rod, but who can't really shape him because our relationship will be everything on the surface and nothing that lays a foundation. And I have already lived enough of my life like that."

"So, what are you saying?" she asked, looking to all the world as though she wished she'd never agreed to come back. This conversation was far too difficult on her already raw emotions. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought of Malibu as a place where she lost everything, a place she left because there was nothing left to lose.

"I'm saying we have to rethink this situation, I'm saying I want you in my life, but if you decide against it, one of us is going to have to move to be near the other so we can truly raise Max together."

She felt cornered, she felt as if he was exerting over her an ultimatum, and it wasn't fair because if he hadn't been such a coward then this discussion would not be necessary.

"Mike wants for us to be more than just friends," she told him.

Tony found it hard to follow her train of thought. He sat, wide-eyed, and of its own accord his hand slid up her leg to her thigh and he tightened his hold on her, afraid to hear her next words.

"Mike wants to try, because he thinks we would be good together. He's offered to help me with Max. "

Tony felt the cold edge of jealousy and hatred stab through him, making him want to say a thousand things to hurt her, but he'd done that before and he was still trying to find a way to make amends. He bit the inside of his cheek and stayed quiet, but his hands slid down her legs, over her knees, and rested in his lap, his nostrils flaring.

"It sounds like you've discussed this with Mr. Mullet in great detail," Tony commented.

Pepper said nothing, but averted her gaze almost guiltily.

"And have you made your decision?"

"I have," she whispered. He felt as though a million years passed in the few seconds before she spoke again. "Whether or not Mike and I would be good together doesn't matter, Tony. I mean, the pull is there, I guess. He's a nice guy. He's smart and funny. It's an opportunity for another life. You know, for so long, I've been focused on you. I'd convinced myself the only way to be happy is if we were together. And then we were, and it was beautiful but you took that away from me. I gave you all I could give – time, friendship, love, myself and then you changed your mind and decided you didn't want any of it."

"Pepper, argh. Damn it, I've tried to apologize! I was wrong," he countered harshly.

"I know that," she said in a placating tone. "I've always known your weaknesses and I've accepted them, that's one reason I stayed as long as I did. But when we crossed that line together and you backed out – I didn't feel like I could ever trust anyone again, because I never, ever believed you would do something like that. Not to me."

"I'm sorry." His apology was desperate but it was not enough to undo what was done.

"I know you are," she said. "I don't doubt your sincerity."

"What are you saying, Pepper? What's the end result of this discussion?"

"What I'm saying is that I've been yours for years. Years, Tony, ever since I met you." Pepper couldn't help the tears that slid down her cheeks. "And I'm saying I have alternatives, hundreds of choices that could take me out of this room and back to San Francisco or anywhere but Malibu. And I'm saying that it's flattering to be desired by a man who isn't you. But no matter what I do, no matter where I go, you're the only one who has ever really mattered."

Sitting up straight, Tony cleared his voice, "So what does this mean? What are you saying?"

"I'm _here_ , Tony. For _you_."

Pulling her to him, he let fly a litany of apologies. He whispered in her hair and let his lips kiss across her cheek, and his hands were everywhere but nowhere for too long.

"I need to hear you say it, just one time, Pepper. Just once," he trailed off as he pressed his face against her neck.

She had not withheld the words in an effort to be cruel, there were reasons why they didn't come easily, but there would be time later to tell him about that particular heartache. The words fluttered up and out of her body, like a long kept secret and she said them softly, her lips pressed against his ear, "I love you." Her lips moved to his and the fire and passion of months ago was reignited in a whisper of breath. They moved together seamlessly, a heat and passion bubbling just below the surface, barely contained. Their kisses intensified, their need escalating. He eased her back on the couch and lay on top of her. She gasped as he kissed his way down her throat and to the neckline of her shirt.

Max whimpered once, again, and then began to cry, as Jarvis reported, "Sir, I believe young Master Stark has awakened. It would seem he has his father's impeccable timing."

"Can it, J. Or I will reprogram you with a monotone female lilt and call you Siri," Tony responded as he withdrew from Pepper with a small smile.

"Uh, I'll get him."

"I'm sure he's probably hungry," Pepper said as she stood up from the couch and smoothed out the wrinkles in her clothing and adjusted her ponytail. As Tony made his way up to get the baby, Pepper looked around his home, at what once was so devoid of life. It was different now, and not just because there was a diaper bag sitting on his counter or because there was a crib next to his bed. Seeing Tony making his way down the stairs, Max against his shoulder, she smiled.

Their conversation – and other activities - were pushed to the backburner in favor of feeding the baby and changing a diaper that smelled like toxic waste Iron Man had landed in, but Max was healthy and whole, and neither one of them complained. Sitting side by side, they watched in wonderment of this tiny being who was in so many ways a second chance. They laughed and talked, but Tony managed a scowl when Max's burp turned into a full-fledged regurgitation of all he'd just eaten, most of it slithering down his back. Pepper laughed, handing him the burp cloth.

He held the baby out to Pepper, and she laughed and took him, situating Max on her shoulder his face turned toward her neck as Tony went to change his shirt. When he returned, they made plans to go to Shield, Tony admitting he'd been dying to show off Max. "Pictures just aren't the same," he said sadly, looking at a picture of Max that was framed and sitting on his coffee table.

Yawning, Pepper asked, "When do you want to go?"

Letting his hand skim over Max's head, he answered, "Whenever, there's no hurry."

"It's going to be awkward," Pepper said, and then grimaced.

"Probably," he agreed.

Pepper stretched out on the couch, her feet pushing against Tony's thigh, and mumbled, "Tomorrow."

Tony nodded, although Pepper didn't see it because her eyes were already closed. Before drifting to sleep she told him in a soft voice, "There is still so much we need to talk about. I love you, but that doesn't automatically solve everything."

Glancing at Pepper he again nodded, then added, "I know," so she would know he heard her. Max's baby talk and cooing filled the air, and Tony held his son close to him, the warmth and squirming, the baby drool and smell of powder, Pepper asleep beside him, all he needed for the moment.

Eventually they moved to the bedroom, Max an arm's length away. His soft sighs and squirming in the crib woke Tony occasionally, but it was a peaceful drifting out of sleep, a contented if disoriented awakening. Pepper stirred in the middle of the night, half-asleep, claiming she heard Max crying. "Max? Is he crying?"

"No, no," Tony soothed. "Dreaming," he said groggily.

She glanced over to the crib where Max lay softly slumbering. Tony reached over to her in the darkness and pulled her closer. "Come here," he offered. She accepted, scooting closer to him in the warm bed, and into his waiting arms. He kissed her, gently, and her return of affection was all the only affirmation he needed as he slowly and tenderly made love to her, showing her in every way that he knew of just how much he loved her. And for once, it was enough.


	12. Chapter 12

Here you go. Final chapter. It feels like it has been a long journey, but it has been a fun one! Please, if you enjoyed this story, PLEASE take the time to send quick feedback. This is what keeps all of us writing. Well, I write no matter what. But it is the feedback, the appreciation, the thoughtful dialog and discourse, that pushes each of us to publish our work. Let us know you want to see it!

Thank you all!

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Standard disclaimers apply.

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In the morning they took turns showering and by the time Tony was finished Max had been fed and dressed. He was sitting in his carrier and Pepper was pacing the floor. "It won't be that bad," he laughed.

"Not bad," she corrected, "but awkward."

Pepper hefted the baby bag over her shoulder and Tony picked up the carrier and they packed up his car and began their trek to Shield. Upon arriving there were several sidelong glances, people so shocked by the scene of Tony, Pepper and their baby strolling through the halls. As they made it safely to the common room, Tony commented without moving his lips, "What? It's not awkward at all..."

Pepper rolled her eyes. It wasn't as if they were at the circus and they were the freaks on display, but it was a little uncomfortable. She just wanted to see their friends. But the glances were a little much. It was as if no one had ever seen a baby before. So Tony had been the biggest womanizing man-whore known to mankind before. That was a long time ago. And he was egomaniacal. And he flew around in an iron suit calling himself a super hero. But he was also a living, breathing man and the aforementioned eccentricities didn't exclude him from procreating. With Pepper.

Banner was the first one who responded to Tony's message and he sidestepped the baby and hugged Pepper close and for a long time. The man whispered something in Pepper's ear, which made her smile, but Tony couldn't hear what was said. He then turned his attention to Max and without hesitation unbuckled his carrier straps and picked him up. "Oh, he is beautiful, Pepper," Bruce commented, and then he turned to Tony, "and you, too Tony. Good job. Man…he looks just like you." Knowing that the baby existed and holding the living, breathing proof in his arms were two totally different things. The extent to which Max actually looked like Tony brought the reality even further home.

The rest of the team eventually streamed in, lingered and cooed and told them how beautiful, sweet, and adorable Max was. Clint teased Pepper about something, which caused her to slap him on the arm. Tony wasn't sure but thought he heard "getting a piece" and "liking things iron-hard" somewhere among them. He would definitely question Pepper later. Rhodey amused everyone by refusing to let anyone else hold the baby. "He loves his Uncle Jim the most." That lasted until Natasha walked in and immediately took him without even uttering a word, as though he were hers for the taking. "You guys, he's beautiful! It's so good to see you, Pepper. I would give you a hug but my arms are full right now." For his part Max took being passed around in stride, staring at everyone with his big blue eyes, flashing sly smiles here and there.

Wanting to make the most of the day he had with Pepper and Max, it wasn't long before Tony was ready to leave. They packed up and left with as little fanfare as they could, making promises that everyone would see both Pepper and the baby again before they headed back to San Francisco.

They went for a walk in the park, stopped by the corner store and Pepper stayed in the car while Tony went in for diapers. After stopping for a late lunch, they headed back to Tony's. Max was fussy from the eventful day, and in truth Pepper and Tony were both tired from the events of the past few weeks. Max had only been out of the hospital a week, their emotions were still raw.

Throughout the day there was no discussion about their relationship, but after Max had been put down for a nap, Pepper and Tony sat on the couch. He reached over and held her hand; she did not pull away although she seemed nervous. "Today was a good day," he said.

"It was," Pepper agreed.

He was tired of beating around the bush. "I'm not quite ready to give up this whole superhero gig altogether, but things are going to have to change. Of course SI can supply all of the tech and weaponry to the Avengers still, and I could just be lead R&D and consultant on that. So I can still have a hand in it. And…I could relocate to San Francisco. Travel back here as needed. So I could be with you guys more. Or…you could move here, you could move in with me, and you could have your old job back. Or not work. Whatever you want. I could even mostly work from home and stay with Max. You know, Daddy daycare. Or…we could go to New York. Run SI from there, both of us. Or…we could get married and move to Fiji and raise a little naked beach bum baby and make a living selling straw baskets on the beach. Really. Whatever you want," Tony stated, nervously chewing on his lip. He didn't want to mess this up, any of it, and knew he had to proceed carefully. Seeing him nervous was very sweet and very endearing.

"Hmmm," was Pepper's only reply. It frustrated him a little bit, because he wanted her to come up with a game plan, he wanted specifics, he wanted to pin her down to a commitment before she changed her mind. The irony was not lost on him.

Long, agonizingly quiet minutes passed and still Pepper did not offer up any solution. Tony looked at her beseechingly, and she smiled, and finally said, "Okay."

Confused, he responded, "Okay? Okay what? Okay to which plan?"

But there were no more words from her, just her sweet smile. Perhaps the solution would evolve over time, and it would be something that suited both of them. He did not know how long they sat there, their history and their future creating between them a somewhat bittersweet silence, but then he looked down at the space between them and realized that regardless of everything Pepper had not let go of his hand. No matter what, they were in this together.

-End-


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